Deb Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 Holly and Selkie, you don't know how much that means to me. When one is in a state of disequilibrium it's hard to keep perspective. I made sure I had new 'scripts for all my meds so I wouldn't have to start the circus parade of doctors right away and I think that was a good thing because having this quiet time without constantly rushing off to doctor appointments and tests all the time has given me a chance to do a different kind of healing. There's been no medical trauma/drama going on so I could focus on actually doing things that improve my quality of life like transcendental meditation, biofeedback therapy, and figuring out ways to work around physical and cognitive challenges. (Holly, it's still classified as vascular dementia) Anyway, the doctors in Denver were always in such a panic about something that they never gave me a chance to get my balance. Like last spring when they did my routine annual spine x-ray and I got a frantic voice mail the next day telling me they found a shadow that they thought was an aortic aneurysm so I was rushed off to have a CT scan done immediately.....and then waited thru a weekend plus two days to get the results back. I was too terrified to move the whole time but finally they called and said that it was just a mass of excess bone that my body was growing in a new location. Since my bone growing talents are already legendary to my doctors, they could have handled it with a little less freaking out. But that's the kind of thing that has been the norm almost every time I saw a doctor or had a test done so I think I needed a respite time away to do a little self assessment and figure out where I'm at before I start the whole thing over with all new doctors. I did see one doctor a couple of weeks ago----a rheumatologist recommended by my rheumatologist in Denver. I'd hoped that it would work out because she knows him personally but it turns out he's a bit of a jerk. He very obviously didn't believe the things I was telling him which means that he didn't read my records at all because there are test results to back up everything I was saying. If he's not going to believe me then we have nothing more to say to each other. I'll keep spinning the wheel til I find the doctors I need but it's discouraging especially when my energy levels are so low. I'm sorry guys. I don't mean to dwell on this. The health stuff has a way of creeping into everything, sorta like kudzu. Again, I'm trying to regain perspective on everything and that includes my social skills. I've become agoraphobic over the past year so I'm a little rusty in the art of conversation. I ramble too much without always being aware of it so I'm working on it. It means a lot that y'all are patient and understanding with me. There's no where else that I feel safe and secure enough to even attempt reconnecting with the human race, but at Greenleaf, it's all okay. Deb 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GirlPiper Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 Mmmm .. fasnachts, beignets ... all in the same family. Punske--probably spelled that wrong! Polish version. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selkie Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 Holly and Selkie, you don't know how much that means to me. When one is in a state of disequilibrium it's hard to keep perspective. I made sure I had new 'scripts for all my meds so I wouldn't have to start the circus parade of doctors right away and I think that was a good thing because having this quiet time without constantly rushing off to doctor appointments and tests all the time has given me a chance to do a different kind of healing. There's been no medical trauma/drama going on so I could focus on actually doing things that improve my quality of life like transcendental meditation, biofeedback therapy, and figuring out ways to work around physical and cognitive challenges. ..... I'm sorry guys. I don't mean to dwell on this. The health stuff has a way of creeping into everything, sorta like kudzu. Again, I'm trying to regain perspective on everything and that includes my social skills. .... I ramble too much without always being aware of it .... It means a lot that y'all are patient and understanding with me. There's no where else that I feel safe and secure enough to even attempt reconnecting with the human race, but at Greenleaf, it's all okay. Healing comes in many ways. I'm so glad you are using more than one method and you are listening to what your body and mind need right now. I vote for that 150%. The quiet time is healing. I love that you have reconnected with your love of the desert, sunshine, birds and plants and flowers. I believe natural things have inherent healing in them. They bring joy and peace to the soul. My only concern is that you don't forego the treatment follow up you need and lose an opportunity to heal in some additional way. It's hard to transition to someone new when you had finally found someone you trusted. Give it some time and the right combos will appear again. Trust your instincts. Don't ever worry about what you post here. :loveletter: We are a family and families listen and support. That's what I love about this forum the most. Sure I get excellent advice on every possible dh question and superb ideas for everything under the sun but the camaraderie and family atmosphere is the best !!!! I'm pretty solitary in RL and ramble on and on (check out my posts and you'll note you are not the only rambler.) It just takes some of us more words to say the same thing as someone else. Funny story on that one - I was taking one of my granddaughters to a b'day party and had one of my grandsons with me too. When we got to the location, he hopped out and turned into someone I didn't recognize. He totally embarrassed his sister with his awful behavior.(no doubt it was jealousy that she was going to a party and he wasn't). So, I finally got him corralled back in the car and we went off down the road to do errands while she was at the party. I proceeded to ream him out in great shape for what he had done. Once I was spent, I hear this little voice in the backseat saying, "Grammy, do you ever run out of words?" well, let me tell you that was exactly what this grammy needed to hear. I promptly apologized for being so overly upset with him. So, my dear friend, we love you to pieces and just want to be here for you. Please forgive me if it seems like I am being pushy or too bossy. I'm just so thrilled you are back here and want miracles to happen for you - like yesterday even. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
havanaholly Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 ...I did see one doctor a couple of weeks ago----a rheumatologist recommended by my rheumatologist in Denver. I'd hoped that it would work out because she knows him personally but it turns out he's a bit of a jerk. He very obviously didn't believe the things I was telling him which means that he didn't read my records at all because there are test results to back up everything I was saying. If he's not going to believe me then we have nothing more to say to each other.. Be sure to let your Denver rheumatologist know what a total jerk the local guy is. You certainly don't need any more of that nonsense. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandystar Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 Everything that Selkie said, and then some!!! Don't EVER feel like you have to apologize for anything you say here. This is exactly where you can let off steam! We are all in some sort of situation, whether it we need to talk about it (at that moment) or not. Whether we want to admit it or not, every one of us needs a place and a time when we can shed a tear (or more). This really is a family, Deb, and you are part of it and we love you for it! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
havanaholly Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 OK, everybody, gather 'round for a HUMONGOUS group hug! :hug: :hug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gayle Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 Deb, who told you that your were rambling? At this moment, you are more lucid than I am at any given time. You're doing great and don't let anyone tell you different. You have your own personal cheering section and we all love you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandystar Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 Ooo... that felt good! Thanks, Holly --> and EVERYONE! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grazhina Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 While DS was sitting in the examining chair in the doctor's office last week, I noticed that the side of his shoe was peeling off. "Don't your feet get soaked?" I asked. "No, not really", he replied, "just when the streets get really sloppy wet." Yesterday I took him out for lunch, then we went shoe shopping. He picked out a pair exactly like the ones his dad has been buying for years. "Are you sure you want those?" I asked. He replied with, "They look ok, they feel ok, why waste time looking at anything else?" ---a real man's answer. Later we spent an hour and a half at the hospital because he needed a blood test on short notice. First came 20 minutes in the office because the 2 hospital systems in the area had merged so all his info had to be put in all over again into the new system. The rest of the time was spent in a waiting room because someone had neglected to fax over what the lab needed to test for. Next came groceries, and because it was too late to cook dinner, at least I got to order pizza and didn't have to cook or clean up. That helped make up for sitting in the hospital all that time, so the day was saved. Today he & I walked along the beach since it wound up sunny and warm enough to be nice out. I only twisted my knee 3 times on high steps, curves or puddles, but it's feeling better now. I like walking in the house better, nothing to hurt myself on. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparklepuppies Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 Grazhina, love the story with the shoes. I can so see my youngest doing that. Two plays down, one more to go! While waiting for the play to start, I looked back and Herman Cain was there. Poor guy, I went to say hi, and ended up bringing my husband, mom, step-dad, Lawson, and his friend. He is such a nice guy though. And Ms. Gloria is such a cute sweet lady too. The house fixing guy didn't come today (new grandbaby) so that has made the day a little less hectic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
havanaholly Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 We just got home from the annual arts festival in Orange Beach, AL. The Gulf Shores Zoo brought along a couple of its new aquisitions from OZ, a 6-month old kangaroo joey and a laughing kookaburra you could hear all over the grounds and probably halfway to the Gulf beach! Afterwards DH took us to Wintzell's in Gulf Shores for late lunch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat57 Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Tracy,what fun-I would dearly love to meet Mr. Cain! And just what is with guys of any age and their shoes?? My son has a nice,comfortable casual pair-I insisted on buying them (on clearance) last year-and he is still wearing the peeling,falling apart ones I meant to replace. With his dad it was holes with t-shirts in them-wait,that was a typo,but it's closer to the truth! When we were married he would wear t-shirts until there were just shreds left when I'd wash them... Today I have gone between housework,the rehab Orchid,some junk tv, and the Forum. Once all the laundry is done I hope to focus only on the dollhouse and some more junk tv! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparklepuppies Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Tracy,what fun-I would dearly love to meet Mr. Cain! Oh Kat, he is an amazing person. I hope you are able to meet him some day. I've had he pleasure of meeting him a few times, and talking with him. He also has taken the time to talk to Lawson before. My friend works for him, and I had the privilege of working with his campaign. The person you see and hear on tv and radio is the real him. His granddaughter is in Brennen's class, that's why he was there. He lives in my town, about 5 minutes away. Small world and all... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat57 Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Wow,that is very cool-can't wait to tell my son-he loves him,too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rackey Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Be sure to let your Denver rheumatologist know what a total jerk the local guy is. You certainly don't need any more of that nonsense. I agree with Holly, Deb. You don't need this person in your life, and your Denver rheumatologist needs to thing twice before recommending this other doctor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deb Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 I've been trying to reply to this all day but every time I tried, I'd start to cry so much I couldn't see. I love you all so very much and those aren't just words of affection.......it's an emotion that comes from deep in my heart and one I find hard to express. This is my home and you are the only family that I have or want. One of the losses that I've grieved over so much in the past couple of years is my connection to everyone here at Greenleaf. Right now I feel as if I'd been drowning at sea and when I was finally able to reach up, there were so many hands to grasp mine and pull me back, then wrap me in warm blankets and give me cocoa. If there was ever a critical point in my illnesses, it was last spring when I almost crossed that edge but then things slowly began turning around. As I got better I realized that the woman looking back at me from the mirror was a hollow eyed stranger and someone that I didn't want to know. I made some changes to strip my life clean, got rid of a very toxic presence, and began the search for me. Selkie, you're right that there is a great deal of healing in my reconnection with the desert and nature because those are things that I'm absolutely sure of are parts of me. The rest has been a miserable struggle until I realized that the last place I'd seen me was here. This is also a healing place because I'm sheltered by strong and caring people who make this a safe place for me to be when I'm feeling more vulnerable than I've ever felt in my life. And just look at me! I'm talking more now than I have in a very, very long time and in genuine conversations at that. :thumbup: There just isn't any way I can tell you how grateful I am because I thought I'd lost me for sure. I promise that I'm not giving up on finding a new medical team here, but I'm not going to let them drag me into playing the "let's run more tests" and "I think you have <insert whatever major illness they came up with> and we need to get you into see this specialist at once" games anymore. I'm up to 50+ doctors and 37 individually diagnosed illnesses (that's not counting all the panicky scares of "we think you have....." that came back negative), which is where I'm going to draw the line. No more new stuff til they fix the existing things! The only thing I've given up on is the hope that someone would find an underlying cause for everything and be able to treat it. Now I'm just focused on trying to get doctors who will continue doing what it had taken six years for the Denver docs to learn. Gayle, the people who think I'm rambling are in real life. I have aphasia so I am slow and careful in explaining things to customer service or sales people and I get interrupted and blown off most of the time unless I stomp my foot to prove that there's a real mind and a temper to go with it behind the rambling speech. I wonder if I'm finally old enough to get away with whacking people with my cane? Oh, I have to tell y'all what I did today! I spent the afternoon going thru my albums here and getting in touch with my dollhouses again. They've been under sheets for so long that looking at the pictures was a nice treat of "Oh, I remember that!" when I'd see some delightful little thing I'd forgotten I have or something special I'd done on a build. But the poor little half scale lighthouse still isn't ringing a bell. I ran across it in the studio closet when I was packing and for a few minutes I was completely stumped about where it came from. I recognized my own work so I knew that I'd built and landscaped it but I couldn't recall actually doing it. On every other house I can look at any piece of it and remember holding it in my hands while I worked on it, but the lighthouse is a total blank. On the bright side, it was kind of cool to find a completely finished dollhouse hiding in the closet when I least expected it! How often does that happen? <taking a deep breath and wiping away the last of my tears> I'm gonna go back to being silly and running amuck now but I wanted you all to know just how much you mean to me. I don't know where I'd be without you. :wub: Deb 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KathieB Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 :hug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
havanaholly Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Deb, is the 1:24 lighthouse the one you built the base kit for? Maybe that part of it will help jog that part of the memory banks. It was such a fast, easy build I sometimes can't remember building mine! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deb Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Deb, is the 1:24 lighthouse the one you built the base kit for? Maybe that part of it will help jog that part of the memory banks. It was such a fast, easy build I sometimes can't remember building mine! I built a pier for the full scale lighthouse but the 1:24 is on a wooden puzzle tray from walmart. Those things are soooooo awesome for half scale house bases! I stock up on them whenever I find them in walmart's craft aisle because they're so perfect and keep a stack of them on the shelf in the studio so that's not ringing any chimes. On the bright side, I did make the decision to use 1:12 Magic Stone for the exterior which should have been a bad choice but it turned out perfectly in scale so I'm focusing on the fact that even when I'm not in my right mind, I can still make minis. That's really all that matters. :yes: The wind is howling today so I'm going to turn up the music and go pet the dollhouses. I need to make a list of where minor damages occurred to any of them during the move and start thinking about doing repairs. Thank goodness Lowes and/or Home Depot can match paint now because two pillars were broken on the Willowcrest's front porch and I need to replace them. This is a good time to upgrade to the nicer ones that weren't on the market when I built the house so it's not such a bad thing. Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandystar Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Deb, what is this wooden puzzle tray that you get at WM? It sounds like it's something good to have for the 1:24 (which I'll be starting shortly), but what exactly is it, and where will I find it? Thanks in advance! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandystar Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Deb, I didn't read your second paragraph -- about matching paint. If the paint you used was custom mixed and you still have the can, all you need is the cover where it shows the color formula, and you'll get a perfect match. If you don't have the can, I believe you can take in a scraped-off sample, and they'll match it from that, but it may not be as exact as if they have the color formula from the old can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deb Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Deb, I didn't read your second paragraph -- about matching paint. If the paint you used was custom mixed and you still have the can, all you need is the cover where it shows the color formula, and you'll get a perfect match. If you don't have the can, I believe you can take in a scraped-off sample, and they'll match it from that, but it may not be as exact as if they have the color formula from the old can. I'm going to have to take in one of the broken pillars and have them match the paint from it. I didn't move any of my paints from Colorado because I'm paranoid about the damage that could do if a lid got loose, and didn't think to write down the name or number from the Glidden can. I think I built that house back in 2008 so they might not even have that color in stock anymore. Thank goodness they can do the matching thing because otherwise I'd have to change the trim on the whole house. Fortunately since it's just the pillars that need replaced it won't matter if the shade is off a little bit as long as we're in the same ballpark with the color. Hang on just a second Sandy and I'll go see if I can find a brand name on those wooden puzzle trays. <pause> Oh yay! I had one still in the shrink wrap!!! It's a Plaid brand product and the name of it is "Wood Tile Board". It's shrink wrapped with a label in the middle. What I call the puzzle part is actually nine 3" squares of wood set into a tray with mitered corners and a slightly beveled edge. I toss the wood squares into my scrap wood box for future use and then have a ball with the frame as a dollhouse base. It's just the perfect size for a half scale house, even one of the larger ones like the Rosedale. Oh, I almost forgot. They're in the craft section of Walmart, in the aisle where they keep the wood plaques and letters. I can't remember for sure, but I think the price is less than ten dollars. I love the fact that the edges are finished and slightly raised to make it exceptionally well made for landscaping. I'm planning on using these for bases for quarter scale houses too. I can fit two or three into a cute little village type arrangement on one base that can still sit on a wall shelf. You see why I love these things so much! They take all the work out of bases for the smaller scales. Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandystar Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Deb, I think Lowe's carries the Glidden paint line. At least some of the guys at the paint counter are pretty knowledgeable, and they'll probably match it nicely for you. I would feel the same way about moving with opened paint cans -- no matter how firmly you pound them closed!!! Thank you so much for the information about the wood tile boards. I will look for them next time I'm at WM (which is all too often, it seems!). Using those boards sounds like a wonderful idea, especially since, as you say, they fit so perfectly! I have the 1:24 Diana and am anxious to get started on that, but I still have a few things to do on my SF build that I want to sell and still have those D____ED shingles to do on the Garfield! It's like doing taxes... I put it off and put it off until it seems like a monumental project, which only makes me want to put it off some more! I know that once I got started, all it would take is a couple of hours a day, and I'd be done with it! I WILL do it! It sure would be nice to say "I finished it!" Everyone has been telling me that once I do a 1/2-scale model, I'll fall in love with them and won't want to do anything else! Well, we'll see. I also have one of the GL little villages that I got when I bought all the goodies last December so, like you say, those bases would work for those as well! What a find! THANK YOU!!! I wonder what they were originally meant to be used for. Oh, here it is! I see that it's in stock at my local WM, selling for $6.97! How great is that! Here's a picture from the WM page showing one suggested use for this. Of course, your idea beats this by about a hundred miles! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandystar Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Hey, did anyone notice that our Brae was a winner in the 2013 HBS Creatin' Contest? Congratulations, Brae!!! I, personally, want to thank you for giving us the step-by-step pictures of build of your lighthouse entry! It's a beauty, as usual!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dalesq Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Sandy, you might want to post your congratulations here so Brae will see it http://www.greenleafdollhouses.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=35057#entry560194 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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