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Adoption


4miniloves
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I have been through 5 years of baby blues, biological clock in siren mode. I have spent many nights in a ball yearning for the unconditional love of a child. I teach and it helps a lot to see the love there. I also baby sit and that little one has kept me going. However I want a child to raise and watch grow. After months of failed artificial inseminations, @ $400 a month with no results. Leaving the next step to be invetro @ $6000 a pop with no guarentees. I have come to the conclusion that there is no price too high to put on a child, but I also know that, that is way to much money to toss out there only to have another period. I have never understood how or why some people can just be blessed again and again and others just have sit and watch. Again being a teacher I have seen the spectrum of parental skills. My husband and I have both been through a panel of tests and all seems ago but month after month after month.......comes alet down. We have gone through periods of not trying, giving up hope, getting hope, and cycled through again.

Now that I have given a brief background to the situation I would like to gather info on adoptions. We do not have an excess of funds, but do have the means to care for a child.

Please if anyone can help me here, please please let me know.

Thanks

Heather

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Had a girlfriend with the same problem you had. She and her hubs adopted a beautiful little girl. Several months later she announced that she was pregnant and had a beautiful baby boy. They were so happy! She had two more children after that! This happens more than you can imagine.....I guess she relaxed when the pressure was off to "produce....." Good luck to you Heather!

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Ditto my cousin. She spent years trying to have a baby and finally through IVF she had one. Then she had twins naturally. As Wolfie said, the pressure was off!

Good luck, I hope it happens for you one way or another.

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I for one cannot think of a more perfect woman to be a mama to a little girl or boy. You have been through so much with "what's his *%$#@* face" that WE both know it has probably taken it's toll in the years of stress that it's caused. You know that I will back you 100% in whatever you choose. I couldn't have had a better second mama to the baby either--actually both of them. You mean the world to them, and to ME. You are my best friend and sister and I know that if this is something that you want, a "CRAZY TRAIN" couldn't throw you off course. YOU GO GIRL!

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You have choices...

You can go thru an attorney and go the route of open adoption, private adoption, etc. You can also call your state social services (or look online) and go that route. There are many unwanted children (from birth-18 yrs) who need a loving family. Have you thought about surrogacy? I do not know the price just throwing it out there.

Fred and I were going to do foster care. We went pretty far into the process but then I got sick. I decided I couldnt do it. Many older children went thru alot of hell with their birth parents and they needed someone who could be there for them 24/7.

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Maybe start with talking to an attorney. Also visit the library and check on books about adoption. Perhaps check with some of the local churches who sometime have links to private agencies.

Courage and strength! There are so many loving families waiting for babies but having to go bankrupt/wait forever/jump through endless hoops to do it. One of our teacher friends had finally given up going through all the invetros and failures, so they went through quite an ordeal to adopt a little Russian boy. I won't go in to the full story, but the beginning of it involved their dog eating the visas the day before they were to leave...it got worse before it got better. Their son was only home a few months before they became pregnant with a daughter!

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If you are a religious person, you can also talk to your clergyperson. They usually know of private church-related programs, and how to access them. Eventually you do need an attorney, though -- adoptions can be so complicated these days, sometimes allowing access to birth parents, sometimes not, and shades of grey there..that you really need to be sure you fully understand your rights and commitments before you get very far in the process.

Good luck!

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Heather, your story is identical to the one my husband and I had 15 yrs. ago. We went thru 6 mos. of artificial insemination and 4 yrs. of fertility treatment. All for naught. I never got pregnant so we tried adoption. Check with your community services to see if they offer adoption seminars. Then check with churches in your area to see if anyone knows of any teen who is pregnant and seeking a private adoption for the baby. You can also advertise in the personals for a private adoption. Be sure everyone you know knows you want to adopt in case someone knows of someone who might consider private adoption. Social services can also help (but we really found out there were restrictions we weren't able to handle i.e adopting sexually abused kids etc.) Not that we weren't willing, just that we didn't think we were prepared to handle a child with extraordinary needs. Try also unwed mothers homes (Edna Gladny in Fort Worth etc.). We finally went to an attorney to try a private adoption but they wanted $20,000. Not only was it not feasible for us at the time, but I couldn't help but think it was like "buying" a baby. We ran into one roadblock after another (wrong religion, too old, former marriages etc, etc. etc.) At the age of 40 I finally had to have a hysterectomy and for my own sanity I had to quit trying to be a mom. I think a lot of rules have relaxed since then (heck, even homosexuals are adopting now) so you might have an easier time than we had. If this is what you want, don't give up but realize it won't be easy. I wish you well and hope you succeed. There is not a day goes by that I don't think "what if", but I do know that my husband and I have created a good life for ourselves and we did survive. Not sure if this helped or not, but there are a very lot of people out there just like you so seek them out as you have done and maybe you will just find what you are looking for. I hope so.

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Thank you all for the support and ideas. Cathy, oh you really get it, I am so sorry you went through all of that. Your avatar is a fur baby they help so so much. Mine are both on my lap now. The cost of adoption is what I fear the most.

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You really do need to weigh carefully the cost of adoption. You're already spent a lot of $$ trying to get pregnant. Even if you go the "private" route, there generally is the cost of the mother's health care, fees to link you with her in the first place, attorney fees to make sure it's all legal..

and of course just raising a child these days is costly -- last figure I saw was $250,000 from birth through 18.

My husband and I chose not to have children ourselves (I am an adoptee). While sometimes I wonder "what if?", and I know my husband would have made a terrific father...we don't really regret that decision. We've made a comfortable life for ourselves doing all sorts of things and taking all sorts of risks we might not have taken had we had little mouths to feed. When I need a baby fix, I find friends who have kids (now it's more that I find friends who have grandchildren!) and spend time with them.

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Heather: I want to extend my heart to you. I , too am a teacher and know full well how it feels to work with children. I am thousands of miles away from my own children and grandchildren. I don't know if this will help you, but I had friends who went through Lutheran Children Services to obtain a child, and were quite pleased. What age group do you teach? I have fourth grade and love it! Granny

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I teach K-6 art in 2 buildings in our urban inner cith district. Trust me I have seen all possibilities for family dynamics.

As for the cost of rasing a child, I feel it is the best investment nyone could choose to make.

Yes if we end up with an empty nest, we will be able to do different things that may not of been possible otherwise.

I do babysit a lot, and Robins kids feel almost like my own. That really fills a void.

Thanks to the ideas of the curch. My husband do not even have a church though.

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Heather,as extended family we hope for a solution and can understand the ache you feel. I wish the expense of adoption wasn't so astronomical! I get irate when I hear of an abortion clinic being targeted by terrorism, but no ease on the red tape of adopting children to parents who long so much to hold them.

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Try this site: www.AmericanAdoptions.com it is loaded with information and resources. Also there are subsidies for adopting children in foster care who's parents have relinquished rights as well and bi-racial and African American babies. Trans-race adoptions are not for everyone, you need to live in a culturally diverse community and of course you family needs to be on board too.

One thing to consider with foster care is that children's services want to keep good foster parents available and might avoid sending you kids that are potentially adoptable. Also, it can be heartbreaking to see a child blossom in a normal home and then get sent back to the same old, same old.

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Seems so unfair that people who would make wonderful parents are not able to be while others who don't deserve children breed like bunnies. There are some wonderful suggestions here for you to try. I wish you luck. My SIL adopted from Poland. They had to jump through hoops and it cost them $30,000. They were considered too old to adopt in the US (40). I have also known a few people who tried very hard to have children and finally gave up only to get pregnant a month later. My cousin had tried for 8 years and her husband had scheduled to be fixed and she found out the day after she was pregnant.

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I think Adoption is a wonderful idea!

I was adopted at 5 months old! My parents are wonderful people and have put up with me and my messy ways LOL I am totally different than they are but we love each other anyways :popcorn:

Good Luck to you!

Fostering is HARD there are sooooo many restrictions..

SO don't give up!

I would contact your local social service office to get your local information.. every state is different on how

they handle adoptions.

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