justmesue Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I have a friend like that. Under the same circumstances I still wouldn't say anything. You already know it will hurt her, so why say anything? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uppitycats Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 We have friends -- who, thanks to us, are now our neighbors -- who we have known for over 40 years. While indeed we have exchanged confidences over the years, been by each other's bedsides during illnesses and accidents, vacationed together, laughed and cried together... there is a lot about their finances that we don't know..and a lot about ours that we haven't shared with them. Even old dear friends don't have to know everything. You have to set personal family boundaries, and then be comfortable staying within them, for some things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pixiedrea Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I agree that she doesn't have to know how much it did(n't) cost. While my boyfriend and I have shared finances, there are some things that we do tell people are "his" or "mine" as a way to protect eachother. For example, even though both vehicles are in my name, I say the car is my boyfriend's. He and I both agree that whoever wants to drive whichever vehicle can. So if he wants to drive the truck to haul around stuff, no problem, the same as if I want to drive the car. This can work to our advantage when his family wants help with moving and he doesn't want to help, however, because he can say I won't let him borrow the truck. Bottom line, when it's something that's personal, no matter how close the friend (or family), you've got to stick with keeping you and yours safely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SallyG Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I can understand the friendship aspect of the problem, however, this is your husband's deal. If you had heard about it and didn't need an extra vehicle, then you could have passed the info on to her and she could have taken advantage of it. However, with your family, an extra vehicle is almost a necessity. Since your husband is obtaining the vehicle, the whole situation is kinda out of your hands....I can't really see why she would get upset about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heidiiiii Posted March 23, 2009 Author Share Posted March 23, 2009 Since your husband is obtaining the vehicle, the whole situation is kinda out of your hands....I can't really see why she would get upset about it. I think THAT is how I will present it. I smidge of fibbing also. I did not know about it until he brought it home to show me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntDee Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I have always found in life that if people talk too much about something good in their life, it makes me feel bad. but the same is true if they don't talk about it at all. I also do not like to share my personal financial matters with extended family members or friends. I would just say, "Fred found this good deal and we really do need two cars." If she asks what you paid just say "Fred really got a good deal on this." You might then point out all the garage sales you two will be able to go to. I do think you should check out some of those places that renovate used cars and give them to people. She may just qualify. Also tell her you will keep an eye for any ads that might have something she could use. Keep on being the good friend you always have been. Rita Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tcmorrison Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 I agree with everyone, you can tell her, but just say ya'll got a really good deal on it and leave it at that. DH's brother is always telling him about stuff like that or more like stuff that he's bought and got a really good deal on and it's almost always something that DH would like to have, but we can't afford. It makes him feel bad and I'm always having to remind DH that their financial situation is totally different from ours. His brother makes more money than he does, in part due to brother's college degree, DH doesn't have one. And brother's wife works, makes big money as she is a program manager for a company that does contract work for the government and has a master's degree. I don't work at all and certainly don't have a master's degree. And the other difference is that we have 4 kids, 11 and younger. They only have 2 and the kids are both adults and don't live at home. MAJOR differences there. They couldn't afford what they have when their kids were my kids age either, they didn't have the college degrees yet either. He's trying to compare apples to apples and it's not. It's apples to oranges. Just doesn't work. I just keep telling DH that he needs to be happy for his brother and that we have nice things too, not as many, but nice things too. And that we do very well with what we do have. Terri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bree1978 Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 It seems to me that your issue is more of guilt. You love your friend dearly and you feel guilty, but there is no need. You deserve it! Congrats! S Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heidiiiii Posted March 25, 2009 Author Share Posted March 25, 2009 Problem is solved. The husband wants Fred to have the Jeep but he cannot just give it away. It is really not a monetary thing (they have plenty of money..she is a nurse practitioner), I think it is because it has been his *baby* for 15 years. He wants us to pay him $500 for it. But pay him as slowly as we can. He said that $50 a month would be fine by him. I can do $100 a month. So it is not a freebie and I think it is guilt Sabrina. Now that there is actual money changing hands, I do not feel badly anymore. I could have just lied and told her it cost us money but that was bugging me. And anyone will tell you, I can lie so well when I have to. If I had a criminal streak in me..I could have done some major damage..LOL I am okay with it now. See how funny things can be..well with me anyway. Because it was free, it bothered me to no end. Now that I have to pay for it, I feel no guilt whatsoever in telling her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bree1978 Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 I'm so glad you are at peace! Even if it takes 500, it is worth it...! I'm sure you will know what to do in the next situation that leaves you feeling this way, if not, we are here for you. And yes, you will be able to handle guilt (handed to you) next time. I have the upmost confidence. You are a wonderful lady and you know you know it! S Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bookmarm Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 glad the situation is settled! I think it was Mark Twain who said something like: Always tell the truth. It's a lot easier to remember later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heidiiiii Posted April 8, 2009 Author Share Posted April 8, 2009 Natalie spilled the beans! Out of the mouths of babes, huh? You should have seen my friend`s face. I told her we could use it this weekend for yard saling and now I had more time to drive her if she needed a ride. I think that actually appeased her. She did get some good news so I think that quelled any jealousy. Her very old friend (not a mutual of mine) is coming into a very large sum of money this month. It has been years of waiting and he is glad it is over..(father died from asbestos exposure). He has offered to buy her a used car and she will give him small monthly payments on it. I think from hearing about him..that after awhile he will tell her she does not have to anymore. She has helped him alot over the years when he was struggling financially and I think he wants to pay it forward. So alls well that ends well. I feel that I made her sound like a bad person. She really is not. I think it is just that she is having such a hard time of it. She is not able to get ahead. So in my eyes, I can understand her being a bit jealous or miffed. I think I would be too. But I am the type of person that can look beyond that. Yeah, I was jealous that the neighbor got all that work done on his house and we could not. But that gave us the kick in the pants to get the roof done. Like when I am at the casino (gosh it has been sooo long) and someone next to me hits it big..I am a tad green BUT I am actually happy for them. I like seeing other people happy. I guess that is one of my character flaws. I want everyone to be happy and when they cannot be..it bothers me to no end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heidiiiii Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 Here she is! Fred got it yesterday morning. He had a envelope with a good first payment on her to give to the previous owner. This part made Fred laugh. He opened the envelope and made a disappointed look. He said "This will not do." He took out a $20 bill and handed the envelope back to Fred. He said I only want to see $20 a week. It was never about the money and he wants to drag out the payments so he can see the progress of the old girl. Our mailman almost fell on the ground. He said the four tires were perfect (they are brand new) and there are three spares (one in the car and two in the basement). He said the tires along cost more then what we are paying for it. He is also a Jeep person. He told us that the AC may not be as big of an expense as we might think. When something minor with the AC goes (cant remember what he said it was) the whole unit will shut itself down. Fred could probably fix the AC with what I spend in groceries in a week. I also became tech savy with this Jeep. It has a new radio. Fred thought he could hook up the iPod to it but it would not play. I read the instructions and it said that you can hook a memory stick into it to play the music. I fished in my stash of stuff and found an unused 3G memory stick I bought Chelsea her freshman year of high school (she never used it). I plugged it into the Mac, went into Fred`s iTunes music folder, copied songs, and pasted them into the memory stick. Voila! He can listen to his iTunes in the car now. The freakin jeep has a better music system then MY car..Even the speakers! I am jealous! ROFL Fred cleans and details cars for his friends business for extra money (this is something he did for many many years). That guy almost fell on the floor. He told Fred that he could detail the heck out of it and sell it for $2000 on the spot. He said no..this is HIS baby now until it cannot run anymore. You know what? I do not care what my friend thinks now..hehehehe I can go to Home Depot and buy all the bags of mulch I need in one shopping trip! Do you know how wonderful that is? I have had to buy 2-3 bags at a time because I did not want to put a strain on my car. Now I do not have to do that. WooHoo! I am going to take it on MY maiden voyage today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pixiedrea Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Congrats! I just adore big tires! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
havanaholly Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 :yes:, Heidi. You are ready to learn the Rule of the Wheels; s/he whose vehicle has the biggest/ most wheels, RULES the road! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heidiiiii Posted April 30, 2009 Author Share Posted April 30, 2009 I have some good news to report. She is getting a vehicle. Her daughter`s boyfriend and his father fixed up a Toyota 4 runner. It is all done and they are going to sell it to her for $800..just the price they paid for it plus the parts to fix it. She is getting a loan from boss to pay to register it and she should be on the road with it next week or so. Praise! Now I do not have to pick her up from work every other day to go to the gym. I do not mind it and the company is nice but the gas was killing me. I never asked and she never offered to pay for it..She does buy me a coffee whenever she goes so that is nice but a cup of gasoline would be better. Another happy ending. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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