Update of friend

[heidiiiii]

That friend...The one that was sick, needed me to take care of her daughter..blahblahblah

Well I havent talked to her since I watched her dd. That was earlier this month. Not one phone call! Until yesterday.

She was at her mom`s (my neighbor) and wanted to come over to visit. I told her no, i would come over there (we tore apart the livingroom for painting).

Small talk, small talk, small talk.......I was waiting for it....it was coming......BAM!

She said Can you do me a favor? Instead of saying sure I said "Matters on what the favor is." :lol: :lol: :lol:

She had a mini shocked look on her face. She said since her accident her car wasnt working right and could I possibly tomorrow (today) take her running around to dr appt, pharmacy, blah blah.. I will give you gas money?

No, I am sorry. That is all I said. Then she was like Huh? She asked me if I was busy. I said No I am not busy. I just dont want to.

OMG! she turned white as a sheet.. I love it!!

Then i start small talk again and talk about how I am going to middletown on Sunday to see Chels. I told her my friend is going up with me for the ride so we can catch up on gossip etc etc.

I felt a lil sick to my stomach at first but I pushed threw the NO.

I feel so proud of myself! :o

[LPCullen]

You go girl! This lady doesn't sound like she is capable of understanding the word "friend".

[hydroped]

Good for you Heidi

Friendship is definitely a two way street and if the only time you hear from someone is when they want you to do something for them.. then it's not a friendship. I've had that happen to me a couple of times and I found out that ending those "friendships" really wasn't as painful as I thought it would be and actually felt pretty liberating. I love to do things to help real friends, heck it feels good to help complete strangers even, but I don't like being seen as someone's patsy or their last resort. It's like that old TV commercial "we'll get Mikey to do it".. nope not this kiddo Good for you!

<hugs!>

David

[heidiiiii]

Thanks.

I decided I am not her consolation prize.

[havanaholly]

Doesn't it feel wonderful to discover what your backbone's for!!? When I had to go there it was SO liberating. Also, you don't owe anyone an explantion, and "I do't want to" says it so well!

[Annette]

Congratulations Heidi, we are very proud of you. :lol:

I agree with David, if the only time you hear from her is when she wants something it's not a friendship. I think everyone has had a 'friend' like that at one time or another so it's better to end the friendship and get on with more important things.

Annette

[sharon]

Why is it some people think if your at there beckon call if your home. I am proud of you too for putting an end to doing things you don't want to do because we don't have the courage to just say no. Way to go! I wish I could follow your example!!!!!

[JaimieMarvon]

I don't have alot of "friends" for that reason. Too many people I've met over the yours have been like that person and after a while I got sick of it and stopped talking to them.

I had one person in my life since I was about 10. Our parents were friends. She was 5 years younger than me, but when we got older we started "hanging out". She was very selfish and self consuming. Everywhere we went she was better than other people prettier than others, and smarter than them, etc, etc. She was an average person with a bubbly personality. She could have been a great firned if it wasn't for her high opinions of herself. I put up with alot trying to make the friendship work.

The last straw was about 7 or 8 years ago. I inviteed her to go to New Hope, NY (beautiful place!!) with me to surprise an old friend I hadn't seen in a while. He is in a Rockabilly band (The Razorbacks) and was going to be playing there on that Sunday. We left Fri night, got there in less than 2 hours and went out to a bar. The first one didn't have any cute guys in it according to her and we had to leave. The third place was ok adn a few young men started talking to us. She was all proud of herself and saying that the one guys was so interested in her. Funny that when she went to the ladies rm he came and sat down next to me and said how annoying she was!!

The weekend was horrible, she made it all about her and complained about lots of stuff. The last straw was when we got to the place where my Friend was going to be, we had lunch first, she spilled a good amount of soda on herself. Areal friend would have cleaned herself up as best possible, dried off, and sat and waited for the show to start. Not her. She freaked out and insisted over, and over, and over again that we HAD to leave. At one point I handed her the keys to my car and said "If you can remember where we parked you can go adn get a pair of pants to change into." But she still insisted. We left but an hour later, because I insisted that I talk to my band friend before the show and that we stay for a few songs. I have not talked to her again.

Ironically, shortly after that she met a guy in Florida when visiting her sister, after some a few months of long distance dating (we live in NJ) they were got married. My parents went to the wedding. Two months later my mom said "Oh, did I tell you Maria is pregnant? She's due in Oct." I did the math... little 'Ms Perfect' was pregnant befor the wedding!!! They've had lots of problems. The guy had 3 kids and had never been married before; the mother of the kids was a witch from H*LL. And now her, the hubby and child are moving to NJ to live in her parents basement. Which coincidently is 2 blocks away from my house.

I'm a little bitter about her, but also get satiffaction that I think my life, not prefect, is better tan hers adn I know I am a better firned to those around me! Ya gotta stand up for yourself!!

[heidiiiii]

I do NOT like to be an imposition on people. I never ask for a favor unless it is really really really important and I always give an out. I never make someone feel guilty about saying no.

I myself am having that problem right now. I asked my friend to go with me on a mini road trip to go to see chelsea on sunday and drop stuff off. (NOT the friend that I told no too, another one)

Well now MY car is making a funny sound.

Do I ask her if she would mind driving and I would pay for gas and lunch?

Dh thinks I should. But I invited her to come along. Now I feel like I am imposing cause I am asking HER to drive.

I havent asked. I dont want to. I would rent a car but money is tight. Saving cash to pay for rentals for the trip up there on Family day and the day we pick her up.

See, I am sick!

I have no problem being a doormat but i cant ask a favor.

How do I ask?

Should I say.." I want to ask you something and you can totally say no but I have to ask. Car is making noise, afraid to drive up with it, would you mind driving and I will fill tank and feed you?"

If you are not up to it, I understand. You might not want to go either for fear that we might not make it home.."

She is understanding friend. We dont impose on one another. The last time I asked for a favor was 5 years ago when she watched my dogs at her house for a day cause of my mom`s funeral.

and she has no problem saying no if she doesnt want to.

[nuttiwebgal]

ASK!

all she can say is no. and than you will know you will have to make other arrangments.

just tell her the truth.

nutti

[wenlaine]

Heidi, If it were me, I don't think I would even ask. I would just tell her what I think of the car making it there and back and suggest that maybe both of you take the bus or train and how nice that would be that you don't have to drive. She may even suggest that she would sooner drive. After all, if you were going alone, how would you get there?

Let us know how you make out?

Wendy

[glen]

That was a hard thing for anyone to do.

Well done.

[heidiiiii]

okay.. life is better.

Friend cant drive. She found out she has to have surgery on her knee, cant drive.

BUT.. the problem with our car.

Our mechanic predicts that it is the mass air flow sensor. Fred is getting diagnostic tomorrow just to make sure. I found a place that sells the part waaaayyy cheaper than dealership!

I talked to mechanic and asked him if it would be okay to drive to see chelsea on sunday.

He said that the problem just started. He would have no problem going himself. I said well you are a mechanic. he laughed and said he would have no problem with his wife driving.

He said he couldnt predict nothing would happen but because problem just started, he doesnt see a danger of killing catalitic (sp?) converter. We have known this guy for YEARS. So i trust him.

We will be getting it fixed next week.

For those who dont know.. it is a engine, gas, emissions, mixology thing in the engine.

So I feel better... much better.

I should have taken shop in high school!

[Annette]

Heidi, I think that's the same thing that's wrong with my brothers car, and he's had it replaced before but it should be ok to drive depending on how far your going. Every other weekend he's going to our dad's cabin which is about 200 miles or 2 hours away whatever way you want to look at it. So I don't think it would hurt for you to use the car but then again I'm not a mechanic ;) don't think I would really want to be :lol: .

Let us know how the diagnostic goes.

Annette

[ilovecats]

Good for you, Heidi, for saying NO!!!!!!! You're a better person than me, after the last incident I wouldn't have even talked to her anymore, i would have been so angry. I probably would have told her what i thought of the last incident. Okay, i wouldn't have. I would have been passive aggressive and shared my anger with everyone else! ;) Hopefully it will get the point across and she won't try to take advantage of you again. Sounds like you have been the friend and she most certainly has not been the friend to you. Good for you!

[havanaholly]

I should have taken shop in high school!

Isn't THAT the truth!?

[heidiiiii]

I was gonna tell her how I felt but both her kids were there. I dont DO drama in front of kids! Not my nature.

Fred went to take the car to get diagnostic now..he doesnt looked pleased getting up early to do it, but when you are offered a freebie you better hop to it!

I will be driving about 50 miles each way. I can do that on a friday shopping. But this is straight highway. I am not going to stress over it. If he said OMG! NO! DONT DO IT!

then I wouldnt.

[doogster]

Don't know about mass airflow sensors, but I do know a dead cat's (catalytic converter) gonna run summink like 600 to 800 bucks. Before the trip I'd ask your friend how sure he is the problem won't kill the cat.

[heidiiiii]

Yup doogster already thinking about that one! That is why I called. That is what is in the back of my mind.

I was told the MAF was $500 cause carquest didnt have it and I would have to go to Nissan. Dealership?? Dh worked at dealerships..we dont do no stinking dealerships.

I found a couple for under $200. I even looked up a cat and the cheapest I found was $300.

Labor cost isnt a problem. Fred worked with guy for years. Charges us next to nothing if it is something simple. A lil more if it is something hard. He is waiting for zoning so he can get his garage started (in his back yard with hydr lifts! ;) )

The problem just started. Dh notices everything. I think he could hear a moth fart in the basement. It will be difficult to rent a car (holiday, short notice, prices go up the more desperate you are) If we were stupid and let it go....then it would kill the cat!

[heidiiiii]

Diagnosis: MAF

Going to order part today.

Mechanic looked at car.

Fine, drive to chelsea, you will be okay.

Must do something productive today. Must not be lazy. I can either paint the dh or paint my livingroom. The latter will have to happen tonite cause it is 80 degrees right now! ;)