What do you DO with your dollhouses?

[Selkie]

Thanks Holly. I guess, in reality, all artistic endeavors have their inherent risks because the audiences that receive them are so varied. sigh ...

I asked this person today if they considered their and their husbands hobbies worthwhile. The person is addicted to going to the gym and the hubs is a gun collector. They said those had secondary purposes so therefore they were better. The one would be physically fit and healthy and the other goes hunting and provides food.

So I guess in order to be a valid hobby or artistic endeavor, we have to find a "valid" (according to their definition) secondary purpose. Playing and therapy don't count with them - I know this because I used them in the argument today and that was shot down immediately. Doing it because love it or enjoy it didn't fly either as valid reasons. No secondary purpose. Oh bother ....

Thanks again to all of you.

[havanaholly]

IMHO mental health and well being and spiritual happiness are 'way ahead of "secondary" benefits of a hobby. As I said, insensitive jerk and certainly not worth wasting any more energy over.

[me-barbie]

I play of course!

[minigrandma10]

Maybe it is because I am a grandmother and great grandmother, I teared up at what happened to Twinkle. Yes, people can be rude and not thinking.But they are the few.

Tell her to smile .....(.and feel sorry for them for being so uncreative.)

Gail

[Selkie]

Maybe it is because I am a grandmother and great grandmother, I teared up at what happened to Twinkle. Yes, people can be rude and not thinking.But they are the few. Tell her to smile .....(.and feel sorry for them for being so uncreative.) Gail

Thanks so much, I will.

[Alamom]

I have a Sister in law who says things without thinking how it affects others. A therapist called her an "insensitive speaker" . He said that she probably just doesn't realize and that if it upsets me, that I should just leave the room.This is just not always an option. I'm very sorry Twinkle had to suffer an insensitive person. It doesn't matter what she's going to do with it as long as she enjoys it!

I love this forum, everyone here is so kind and supportive

I wish all the "insensitive" people could do this:

Before you speak....

T. Is what you have to say thoughtful

H. Is what you have to day helpful

I. Is what you have to say intelligent

N. Is what you have to say necessary

K. Is what you have to say kind

[Selkie]

That is a great saying to remember. Thanks.

[rackey]

Well, the obvious answer - or at least obvious to me - is that you stare at it and admire it for hours on end. For me it is a soothing experience. When I walk away from it, it never really leaves me, and in time, I change things around. Like a real house, I work on it in spurts. I didn't do the actual remodeling, wallpapering, etc., but the ideas were in my mind for years before I had any work done on it. But the buying and rearranging the furniture is all my doing, and the possibilities are endless.

I guess you could have told your doctor that you take pictures of it and post it on a dollhouse website where you can share your projects and/or enjoy the work or ideas of others. The truth is that it doesn't matter what explanation you offered - what matters is that it works. Besides, one of my dollhouse dealers said some of his customers resort to this hobby because it is so therapeutic. So you are not alone.

[kat57]

Oh,Paula,thank you for sharing that! It would be such a great thing for every human being to memorize and follow-even if just all of us here on The Forum were to follow that and practice it with each other,then spread it out to our families and friends and coworkers,etc...."Think" how much nicer things might be!

As to what I will do with my dollhouses,once they are finally built(Procrastination be my name,I guess!),I'll do as I've done with any minis I've made or bought so far-I am going to stare lovingly at them,and touch them,'play' with them,and just Enjoy Them! And I'll quietly feel very sorry for anyone who doesn't 'get' it! ;)

[KathieB]

This is a bit off topic but relates to the discussion about Twinkle's encounter with an insensitive person. Some college athletes were asked what their parents said that amplified their joy during and after a ballgame. Their overwhelming response: "I love to watch you play." Think how different Twinkle's experience would have been had the insensitive one said "I love to watch you working so hard" instead of instilling doubt.

Read the whole article here.

(With thanks to my nephew the golf professional and lover of children, who posted the link on Facebook.)

[Selkie]

This is a bit off topic but relates to the discussion about Twinkle's encounter with an insensitive person. Some college athletes were asked what their parents said that amplified their joy during and after a ballgame. Their overwhelming response: "I love to watch you play." Think how different Twinkle's experience would have been had the insensitive one said "I love to watch you working so hard" instead of instilling doubt. Read the whole article here.

Wowzers !! What a terrific article. I needed to hear that too. I'm often too "wordy" with stuff and nonsense. I often miss the simpleness of a well timed, to the point statement, of the persons self-worth and the joy they are simply by "being" rather than always by their "accomplishments". The love of the person as a person shines thru in this article.

Thank you so much Kathie for sharing this.

[Dalesq]

This is a bit off topic but relates to the discussion about Twinkle's encounter with an insensitive person. Some college athletes were asked what their parents said that amplified their joy during and after a ballgame. Their overwhelming response: "I love to watch you play." Think how different Twinkle's experience would have been had the insensitive one said "I love to watch you working so hard" instead of instilling doubt.

Read the whole article here.

(With thanks to my nephew the golf professional and lover of children, who posted the link on Facebook.)

Thanks Kathie! And thank your nephew for me please

[Bex]

IMHO mental health and well being and spiritual happiness are 'way ahead of "secondary" benefits of a hobby. As I said, insensitive jerk and certainly not worth wasting any more energy over.

Here! Here!

I know this line of conversation is probably long since over, but I wanted to put in my two cents worh as well. Maybe someone going through something similar will benefit. I've been there, done that. I've had family stab me in the back when I needed them the most and I've had people criticize me for this, that, or the other all my life- including my doll house that was "just taking up space". So what? It's my space to take up!

Words can sting and are harmful, but we can do something. Whether standing by our friends when we see they're being victomized, walking away from the situation (takes a lot of gumption, but can be done) when we ourselves are and seeking out platinum friends and our hobbies, seeking out the proper authorities (thank you, Lord, that people are more understanding of verbal abuse now then in yester-years), etc.

Selkie, let me say, you are an awesome mom. You care enough about your daughter not to just worry about her but to DO something about it. In this case, doll houses, understanding, and being her friend when she needs one most. My only friends in school were the adults. Kids hated me, and so did at least 2(/3) of my siblings. My escape was called books. A great tv that plays out in the mind of the individual reading it. My parents seemed deaf and blind to my misery. I plead to them for months (I think; I was just a kid) after it started, but nothing. Until I suffered in silence. Why complain to the parents if they're not going to make any attempts to comfort you or find out what's going on? I'm not trying to get pity or turn the attention on myself; I'm just saying I've been there, done that- as I'm sure, from experience, many others have as well. You are an exceptional mother for standing by your daughter and not allowing her to suffer in silence. You share your passion and drive with her every day in dollhouses. To me, those are the signs of a great mother.

Please don't feel you always have to explain yourself to others. Frankly, it's none of her egotistical concern. Doesn't sound like she would hear you any way. We're just responsible to God, ourselves, and our platinums. IMHO, we need to blow off the egotistical stiffs who think their way is the ONLY way. Be polite, be cordial, but stick to safer subjects or stay far away from them- when and wherever possible- if necessary. I hope for better days for you and your daughter. I hope she gets better and knows what a truly great mother she has- if not now, then one day.

[glen]

I remember several horrid conversations thrown at my daughter.

One was as she was learning to talk and she was describing how many fish I'd caught in the boat.

Just learning i add.

Mum asked how MANY .....

Her reply was along the lines of "big big ones 6 thousand tons"

Mum and nest door neighbors reply was to laugh loud and hard and criticize her English.

Daughters reaction? never try to answer a question again I would think.

My Thoughts? This little girl learning to talk had worked out that the description needed to be quantified so she'd used what she could come up with, descriptors of size, using numbers and adding a unit of measurement. What a quantum step in the thought process. Bl**dy clever. But she'd been soundly put down for it.

How many times have little darlings collected shells on the beach. They can’t buy stuff for the house, contribute to the family in any way ‘cause they’re too small and young, can’t cook etc etc but look. They, not someone else, they have contributed something themselves. Usual reaction when they get home? “Don’t bring that dirty/smelly/sandy rubbish inside. “

I’ll bet even the best intended of us have crushed a child sometime.

PS I wanted the DH played with but it’s been relegated by its owner to a display item.

[Bex]

I did my best to keep my personal experiences at bay to keep the message from getting too long and trying to show my compassion for someone else, not draw attention to myself. So I apologize if I was unclear. I know there's unintended harm that can be done to a person, and that's not good, but that's not what I was talking about. It's when it's known that I have an issue with it. My family laughing at what they think is an innocent joke at my expense and when I tell them that it hurt my feelings for them to poke fun like that, they said I was taking life too seriously and continued laughing. And, yes, that actually happened and it DID hurt.

I was treated badly by my peers and actually told my parents, teachers, and school counselors about it. They taught, "If someone hurts you or makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, then tell a trusted adult." Yeah right! My parents said nothing, did nothing, and the school brushed it off as though the "sticks and stones" addage was true. Some of them even told me it was. It's not ok. It's never ok to intentionally bully a person, physically or verbally. I was criticized by my peers- at home (siblings and also Dad) and at school. And all I could do was suffer in silence because the adults in my life were under false assumptions that verbal abuse was ok. By the time I got into high school, a safe harbor because of where I went (from 90% of the school hating me and bullying me to just a couple of kids that didn't last very long at that school), I had a very low self esteem. I was afraid of saying hello because of how I was treated; but I'm glad I said hello to this one suave, sophisticated guy I saw. I found out I had a lot in common with him and, many years later, we married.... but that's another story. ;)

What I intended to say was I appreciated Selkie's efforts to support her daughter. That she has found a channel of communication with her daughter and, when she sees a problem, she acts on it. That she is actively involved in her daughter's life. In my girlhood, I felt close to my mother, but I lost that footing during my teenage years when my parents split up, gaining only some of it back after I became an adult- but I still wouldn't say we're all that close. Finding something that you can share with your kid is very special. It takes a special Mom to be able to take such good care of a kid like Selkie is doing. And being supportive by putting an ignorant family member back in line, or trying, is heroic. But at the same time, you can only do so much. Some people are just blind to the truth and/or just don't want to admit they're wrong. Standing up for bullying, that is something I will always support- but there are just some idiots not worth our time.

I apologize if I came across condescending. Selkie's a great mom. And I applaud her efforts to stop the bully; but, after having had my say, if the person still didn't listen, I wouldn't bother listening to what they thought. I'd avoid the subject around them. If they kept coming back to the point of argument, I'd avoid them completely. But that's just me. I face head long the stressors I must face, to have them over and done with, and avoid any unnecessary stressors. I have serious anxiety issues because of trauma I've gone through in my adult life.

[Gee]

I would probably have said I like to make miniature things and that that helps in a great way to de-stress.

But would certainly NOT tell my doc I play with minis.

Everything you say can one day be held against you

[Bex]

Everything you say can one day be held against you

Exactly. So far better never to say any thing at all. Bottle every thing up. So you explode from all the stress that comes with life and you need a counselor. Oh, but you haven't spoken to any one, it's become habit, so you can't talk to them either.

Gee, as long as you don't pose a threat to others or yourself, it's illegal for them to share any thing with any one else (aside from court appointeds, that is). You're allowed and encouraged to tell them any thing you want. You need someone you can safely share things with- and, believe it or not, not every one has that. If someone is seeing a counselor, it's because they need someone to talk to. And people (in general) aren't likely to open up much to someone they don't trust.

"We know that as long as there have been cities and ships and mules, people have been making small-scale models of them, and then have tried to explain why they made them. The ancient Egyptians made perfect little copies of bake shops and hair dressing establishments- of almost every thing they used in their daily lives. They said they had a religious reason for this; when people died, they buried these things with them, because they thought the dead would need them in the next world. There is no doubt that the Egyptians truly believed this. But it seems possible, too, that they found pleasure in the creating of these small pieces, and in just looking at them.

Today we make what are known as "working models" of traffic lights and steamships and other wonders of the modern world.This is done because it is easier to study a large project in small scale, to move things from place to place, and to find out what may be wrong with the plan before it is carried out. We suspect, though, that the people who make and use these models must enjoy working with them just because they are small, or miniature. Miniature things cast a sort of spell, and not all spells can be explained..." 'A World of Dollhouses' by Flora Gill Jacobs, ©1965.

So, in my humble opinion, why punish those who tell it like it is? I enjoy working with, re-arranging, even playing with miniature dollhouses. Who cares? (And we're not talking about crazy, nightmare dollhouse movies, either. Just your normal day to day.) I think people should be able to comfortably talk about their lives, their issues, and their comforts. You might be amazed how healing being able to speak openly is.

[Gee]

Thanks for your concern, but as long as I can work on my minis there is no chance of exploding here.

Of course everyone decides for him/herself what to tell or not.

But my doctor and my dentist as well come to think of it, both told me things about other patients in the past.

No, they should not have done that and yes, it is against the rules.

I did not ask for it nor did I encourage it.

It was about mutual friends who happen to also be patients of theirs.

But we're all just people when it comes to it and we all make mistakes.

Nevertheless, I learned lessons from that.

And if I am going to tell anyone anything that can bounce back at me in any way shape or form it can be anyone BUT my doctor.

But feel free to do otherwise.

[CheckMouse]

I would probably have said I like to make miniature things and that that helps in a great way to de-stress.

But would certainly NOT tell my doc I play with minis.

This thread seems to have taken on a new life

There was a lady on Facebook awhile ago who was suffering from PTSD after returning from Iraq. Apparently it was pretty serious and she was under doctor's care. But she loved miniatures and she began building dollhouses. When she went back to her psychiatrist, her progress was remarkable and the doctor prepared a prescription for a lower dose of medication. But the lady refused, saying she didn't need or want anymore drugs - she had her own cure and was doing well. The doctor asked what that "cure" was and the lady told her about her hobby. Apparently they discussed this for quite awhile and the upshot of the conversation was that the lady would be returning to start a class for others who were also suffering from PTSD! MINIATURES TO THE RESCUE!

[rodentraiser]

You know, if people get condescending to you about building or decorating dollhouses, there's a simple solution. You look at them as if THEY were the nutty ones and tell them,"Collecting miniatures is the third largest hobby in the world after stamps and coins. Didn't you know that?" And then shrug and walk away. I don't know about their self esteem, but it did wonders for mine.

[Deb]

Creative expression is one of the best forms of therapy for PTSD.......and that's direct advice from my own shrink. It's one of the reasons I donated over 100 dollhouse kits to the Vietnam Vets Occupational Therapy Center when I moved from Denver and it makes me feel good to know that those kits are being used by men and women who served our country to recover from the stress of what they went thru. CJ, thank you for sharing that story because I'd like to think that some of our vets in Denver are having the same experience as they build a Pierce or a Harrison or even a Primrose.

This is also our form of art. Miniaturists are artists; our art form is in wood rather than a paint brush and canvas, or a chisel and stone but it's still art. It's as much a part of me as breathing. I've never been one to care much for what others think because in the immortal words of Ricky Nelson, "You can't please everyone so you got to please yourself". I take a great deal of pride in being a miniaturist and all of my doctors know what I do. Several of them visit my website on a regular basis and I've promised minis to at least two of them when I start building again. After seeing my work, those two doctors said that it made them even more determined to help me regain the ability to build dollhouses and that's an awesome support system! I really don't think I've ever encountered anyone who said anything negative about the fact that I build (and play with) dollhouses but maybe it's in the way I present it. I'm always so excited when i talk about my minis that it's overwhelmingly evident that I'd take a swing at anyone who said anything bad about it. LOL!!! Besides, that positive excitement is infectious so they usually get caught up in my excitement even if minis aren't their thing. :thumbup:

[kat57]

I know first hand,as most here do,that my interest/obsession/passion for minis and dollhouses is like soothing medicine to my soul. I was in a horrible state this evening when I came onto The Forum,fighting fatigue and some old and new personal demons. Reading posts like those above from Gerda,CJ,Kelly,and Deb, as well as other topics of discussion on The Forum today has helped me so much! Thank you all for being here and the comradery we can share in this wonderful pursuit of happiness!

[Cheverly]

Something stopped me from saying I played with them (MED CHECK!)

This made me bray like a donkey!! Too funny. I'm starting to realize however, that being in these forums with you all is a little dangerous. Since all of us are so smitten with our dhs and it feels normal to come here and talk about them incessantly, I can see myself thinking everyone is the same way and slipping in front of my non-mini friends. Ah well. They are used to my quirks.

I only have the one finished that I purchased from Craigslist, but I'm constantly admiring it and planning future upgrades/furniture placement/etc (this can be somewhat awkward when my DH comes in and finds me gazing at it lovingly, so I try to remember to look at him the same way just as often--if not more).

[CheckMouse]

I work in the Home Improvement industry, as a product demonstrator, so I'm in all these Home and Garden Shows throughout the year. I'm always drawn like a magnet to those who have the miniature prototype of their products on display. That's usually the architects who take the time for a small model. I usually have to explain why I'm drooling all over their demo, so I explain that I "build in miniature, usually in the 1:12 scale". That makes a good intro to the subject of dollhouses and such. Then I'm also walking around the Show taking pictures - how the roofing looks, how it's put together, a new siding sample, a nice floorplan - I love my job!

[havanaholly]

As I think I have already mentioned, when asked what I do with my houses when they're built, I say that I play with them, because I do. I find it wonderfully therapeutic! and I don't watch TV soaps. At my age, most people asking get a wistful look when I add that I build my dollhouses for adults to play with.