A danger to himself and others

[pdlnpeabody]

If that guy isn't going to give up his license voluntarily then you are doing the right thing. I view chronically medically impaired drivers no differently than drunk drivers. They are putting their "good time" or independence above the safety and well being of others who haven't abused that privilege.

The first few times I got hit by cars while riding my bicycle it was elderly drivers who had drifted into the designated bicycle lane and were oblivious that they had hit someone. I have met elderly drivers (one was 97) who were sharp as a tack and very qualified to drive. I have also encountered drivers who were only in their 60's and had no business behind the wheel. Unfortunately, here in Florida we have so many snowbirds who think driving is a privilege- for younger, working-age drivers, while driving is a right for the elderly. They have voted down every attempt by the legislature to create a requirement to test older drivers every couple of years to ensure that they haven't had changes to their vision or mental abilities. The AARP has spent millions of dollars on lobbyists to keep the status quo.

I wasn't allowed to drive until I was in my mid-20's. Just a few weeks before I could take the test for a student driving permit, I was diagnosed with significant brain damage on the right temporal lobe. Ironically, it was found accidently and I was taking advanced placement classes at the time. My doctor and several after him felt that I was "disabled" and should give up on being a productive member of society and collect a pittance of a disability check every month. They prevented me from getting a license on the guise that I might have a seizure some day. 9 years, 9 bicycles mangled by inattentive drivers, countless tests and several minimum wage jobs (despite having a college education) later, I still had not had a seizure or any other issue that might impair my ability to operate a car. Unless the ability to smell things is required to drive (I can't smell anything) I don't have any impairments. I finally fired the doctors and got my driver's license in 1999. I had discovered that 1) my only disability was the inability to operate a motor vehicle in a society where you must have one to get past minimum wage and 2) brain cells are overrated.

What I found most disturbing was the event that occured at the DMV while I was waiting for the written test. The staff were trying to get an elderly woman to read the letters in the little box that tests your vision. She was calling out numbers at first, then started getting irate about "all these people standing in her kitchen!" They tried for over an hour to get her passed so they could renew her license to kill, but sent a woman in her early 20's packing when she answered "yes" to the question of whether she had ever had a fainting spell. She tried to explain that it was due to illness, but that doesn't matter under the rules of the FL DMV.

Kudos to your mom, CJ! She may be losing her reflexes or other faculties needed to drive, but clearly hasn't lost her wisdom or judgement to react accordingly. I have a friend who is only 35 and gave up his license voluntarily in his mid-20's. He had several accidents that could have hurt someone but didn't. He realized that driving was a skill he lacked and would rather walk or bike to work instead of having the death of another motorist on his consience.

My dad he has never been a very good driver, and still works, so he needs to drive, but he has had really bad night blindness since he was at least 48. Several times while I was riding in the car with him he nearly turned into a ditch- at a lighted parking lot enterance! He's now 63 and still drives at night. I have talked to him repeatedly about the risk he is placing on himself and others, but he won't listen to me. I'm still just a kid in his mind. He doesn't need to give up driving entirely, as long as he drives only during daylight hours.

[KathieB]

Jeremy, thanks for sharing all of that. How frustrating for you! Add to the enablers the insurance agents who don't want to lose a commission on the auto insurance policy. Grrrrr.

Update: The diabetic has received a letter from the state demanding a physical examination. His wife did finally succumb to my pleading and sent in her report to the state, but we don't think they would have had it in time to generate this letter. We think the diabetes doctor acted on my information given to her the week before and must have reported him to the state before she left for Pakistan.

He has decided to have the diabetes doctor give him the necessary exam. His wife said she saw what he wrote when requesting an appointment on line: "Had an accident and need exam to clear license." She breathed a sigh of relief, as she was afraid he would go to the local doctor who might not do anything. He also told her that he was going to see an attorney who is a judge in town about fighting the state if they won't let him keep his license. She called the attorney (who is a friend of both of them) with a heads up. He told her not to worry, he'd read him the riot act and impress upon him the need to give up the license or face catastrophic liability damages when the inevitable happens. She also went to the EMT service in town and got a printout of all of the calls they've had that resulted in transporting him to the hospital; it is four pages long going back three years. She is going to send that info to the diabetes doctor so she'll have before he meets her for his appointment. (And those four pages don't include the number of times they've been called and administered aid to render him conscious but didn't transport him to the hospital.)

The appt with the diabetes doctor isn't until near the end of September, after the deadline the state set. The diabetic figures he can get an extension from the state because she's out of the country.

[KoalaSam]

My father-in-law's caregiver, is attending a funeral today, of a friend who was diabetic and was killed Monday when he insisted on driving himself home after not "feeling right". His co workers knew he was diabetic and offered to give him a ride, but after insisting he was fine, he hit a tree four houses away from his home.

He was in his early 60's. At least he did not hurt or kill anyone else, but a tragedy nonetheless. Good on you Kathie for pursuing this matter.

[KathieB]

Oh, Sam, what a waste. I can't wrap my head around somebody wanting to drive (okay, so they're not thinking clearly) or someone else letting someone obviously in distress get behind the wheel. Sad.

[SallyG]

I returned yesterday from a vacation to Maryland to see my adult kids, brother, mother, etc. My mother is 83...blind in one eye and very bad cataracts in the other. She has not been allowed to drive in a long while..year or more. My brother and I are trying to talk her into giving the car to my oldest son to fix up and get it back on the road..he uses his truck for work and was wanting a car to use on the weekends, etc. It needs some body work from all the things she had hit...dents, dings, etc. At first she was agreeable, but the next day she decided she would not let it go...she said she might start driving again. She said her eye doctor told her it would be ok as long as she did not go on the highway. Now I highly doubt this, but if true, in my opinion, the doctor should lose her license to practice medicine!!! She said she just wanted to be able to drive to the cemetery and back to visit my fathers grave. However, the cemetery is on the OTHER side of the highway, so she would have to drive about 1/4 mile on the highway to get to the cemetery...she could kill several people in that amount of time!!

I told her there was no way she could drive the way her eyes are, but she said they "might get better". Sure, and I might get younger, too!!! Fortunately, the car does not start...obviously if it did, she would try to sneak out and drive...no drivers license, no tags on the car, no insurance...and if she had an accident and hurt someone...well, the consequences would be disastrous! Now we just want the car gone!!! As long as it sits in the garage, she's trying to figure out a way to get back on the road!!!

It just amazes me how, knowing the situation with her eyes, she actually WANTS to get out there on the road...KNOWING she could kill someone! Hate to say it, but in my opinion it comes down to plain old selfishness...having no concern about anything other than what SHE wants to do! Not a new situation either...she has always been that way!

[Selkie]

Would she consider "loaning" the car to a grandchild or family member or friend?

When my Grampa was struggling with this issue, we needed a car and he agreed to "loan" it to us until we could get one of our own with the option that he could have it back.

Of course, it never went back to his barn again but it felt better framed that way to him.

[SallyG]

No...she is adamant about the car not leaving the garage. At this point, we can only leave the car sitting there, not running. It's a shame, too, because it would make a good car for someone. But at least she can't get it started!!!

[kellee]

My mother has very bad eyesight, almost blind... About 2 years ago, she drove less than a 1/4 mile from the house to the store, when she came back she threw her keys on the table and busted in tears, she could not see the parked cars and it took almost 40 minutes to get to the store then another 40 minutes to get home. She tried to get her license renewed that summer and failed the test numerous times, had cataract surgery and still failed, she ended up having to give up her license to get a state I'd. It took her 2 years, to finally give the car to my oldest son... Who did not want the car, but wanted our truck. So she gave the car to my youngest son who just turned 12 last month. I explained to her that if she would put the car in my name, I could get it running again, after it sat in my drive for almost 2 years the battery was toast. She agreed, and I use it to take her to the store now. She likes getting in HER car to go places. She bought the car used in 2003, it's a 2001 it was her first car she bought with payments and was so proud. It was very hard for her to give up that independence but she knew she had to.

My grandfather was a different story,he was not supposed to drive because he had heart surgery and was fighting cancer. He could see just fine, but after just having heart surgery dr. Asked him not to drive for a few months. I was a senior in high school and we shared the car, when he was told no more driving by my aunt. I got the keys and kept them hidden. I took him anywhere and everywhere he wanted. He would get up real early in the morning and leave, I always knew where to find him, at the McDonalds so I would walk up there about a mile, get him and take him home then go to school. He was a great driver, never had any accidents. We kept that from my aunt for about a year. Dr. Only told him about 3 months but my aunt told him no more driving again. He finally gave me his hidden extra set after I graduated.... And he laughed as he apologized for making me walk to get him a few days a week at the McDonald's... He knew if he got me up early I would take hima d buy him breakfast. He just wanted to hang out with his buddies like he did for 15 years every morning before work. I sure miss him and walking to get him. Lol, I could never be upset with him, because he was all smiles when I walked in. He always got a small coffee, sausage biscuit and a hash brown.

[kellee]

I am sorry my earlier post got a little long. What I was trying to say was that as our elders get old and have to depend on their kids or grand kids it is hard for the to accept. Fortunately, both my grandfather and mom decided to give up driving when they knew they could hurt someone else. I think a lot of people including myself go with the idea that " it won't happen to me"

I hope someone can talk some sense into him or his wife so that nothing tragic happens.

[pdlnpeabody]

It sounds like cars become our "safety blankets" after we lose the ability to drive.

My pre-schoolers have provided some insight as to why younger drivers are so reckless. The game of "Red light, Green light" has a new caveat. "Orange light"- instead of slowing down or stopping, they run really fast!

[KathieB]

Good news! He turned in his license voluntarily -- reluctantly, but voluntarily -- after his friend the attorney told him he would not represent him in an effort to regain his license if the state took it and went on to lecture him on being irresponsible.

He has already looked into alternate means of getting where he needs to go (on foot, bicycle, public transportation), and his wife has clued in his colleagues and friends that he is unlikely to accept a ride if they ask him if he needs one, so they're to simply call and tell him what time he should be ready for them to pick him up.

[Starfire]

Good news indeed!

[havanaholly]

That's super good news!

[KoalaSam]

Yes, good news!

[SallyG]

Excellent! Glad he finally came to his senses...

[chapchap73]

Kathy, that is stupendous news! Thank YOU so much for having the courage to put yourself out there the way you did. I'm sure it was not the easiest thing to do. So many people forget that being a friend sometimes means getting a person to do the right thing even when they don't want to. Bravo!

[ilovecats]

It's hard to be put in this position. Stand firm though. You are absolutely doing the right thing.

Maybe his doctor can adjust his medication. That still doesn't make up for the poor eating habits, but may help somewhat.

He's either going to kill himself or someone else.

It's sad if you lose the relationship that you have with her, but if she is in denial and/or doesn't want to deal with the situation she is actively making a choice to let him be a loaded gun. He will kill someone.

Sending positive thoughts your way.

[KathieB]

It's hard to be put in this position. Stand firm though. You are absolutely doing the right thing.

Maybe his doctor can adjust his medication. That still doesn't make up for the poor eating habits, but may help somewhat.

He's either going to kill himself or someone else.

It's sad if you lose the relationship that you have with her, but if she is in denial and/or doesn't want to deal with the situation she is actively making a choice to let him be a loaded gun. He will kill someone.

Sending positive thoughts your way.

Thanks for the support! I think you must have missed the post that said he turned in his license voluntarily at long last. He seems to have made the adjustment quite well. His wife, however, is chafing under her new chauffeur duties. She has been used to keeping her own schedule, coming and going as she pleases. His schedule is complex, with teaching, church duties, and practice and performance sessions for at least four musical groups that I can think of. I'm hoping time will soften the edges of this major adjustment to her lifestyle.