justmesue Posted March 1, 2009 Author Share Posted March 1, 2009 DH sees his Dr on Wednesday. In the meanwhile, I bought him some Preparation H (with some of the tax cash leftover,ROFLMAS) I still intend to become self-sufficient, and I am intensely upset that he didn't trust me enough to share his fears with me. He may be older, but it is not his duty to teach (FORCE) me how to fend for myself, by stranding me. I am a stubborn mule, he will not be allowed to pick me up again. I am supposed to be upset, and greving if he were to die, how freaking dare him try to shield me from that by keeping me angry with him. I still have not forgiven being called a thief, regardless of what he intended to do with that money. I have demanded a very real apology, and it will take me awhile to get over this, beleive me it ain't just gonna slide! I also learned that I have a huge support group of family/friends (here as well as my real one) and co-workers willing to listen and help when they can, if I just let them.(by telling them) It's been a learning experience! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjnick54 Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 :popcorn: You go Girl! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heidiiiii Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Hemorrhoids are painful stuff. I thought I had hemorrhoids but it was something else entirely. The dr told me that when they get to the stage of bleeding, itching, and stinkiness it is time to have them taken off. If they are small enough, they can be frozen off in the office. If not, he will have to go and have outpatient surgery. If Preparation H does not work, it is too far gone. Have him wash the area very well and dry it. Then get some square gauze pads. Have him put them in the area to keep it dry. It feels weird but it will help. If the hemmies are weeping fluid, the gauze pads will keep it dry and help with the itching. He should change the gauze pads every couple of hours. (i know this is gross but it will help anyone that is dealing with this..keeping it dry and clean will help with the pain) The removal healing worst pain to deal with but it is smart to do. There are other things that it could be also beside hemmies. But the surgeon will take a look and give his opinion. Nothing horrendous but if he is in that much pain and bleeding, he needs to have them removed. I can understand why he would think he was dying. For a short period of time I had to wait and see if I had cancer or not. You still deserve an apology. He is going to need your sympathy and love when he is home after the removal. Lots of love and lots of patience..LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenC Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Geez MEN!!! DH was like that, never wanted to admit any kind of weakness (as he saw it) even to me. This is a 50+ year old man. I had finally had it one day when there was obviously something wrong for a week or more and he just kept saying "nothing's wrong, I'm fine" and just blew up at him about if you can't trust your wife of many years enough to be honest with her about how you are feeling then you don't need a wife. He'll at least tell me things now instead of trying to hide how he's feeling, though he'll still hide it from everyone else. I have to send a note with him when he goes to doc cause he'll either forget or be shy about bringing things up, but at least he takes the note and gives it to doc so they can talk about things. And I know he does, because I work in medical profession and question him about what she said when he gets home. I'm not allowed to go with him any more, I'm too truthful apparently. Your hubby needs to up the fiber/fluids (water is best) in his diet and/or take stool softener, that should make things a little easier on him too, as well the other suggestions. Soft is good, hard is very, very bad for hemorrhoids. Good for you at working on gaining more independence. It will make him appreciate you all the more. Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenC Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 I swear, I just don't know about men. Just came across my desk, a report on an 80+ year old man, same thing as Sue's husband. Waited weeks, bleeding and in pain, finally told wife, and they were in to see doc this a.m. Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heidiiiii Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 It is not just men..I let it go to0 long also. It is the embarrassment factor. I am not afraid of the dr at all and I had two children so I should have no shame in my game..but I did. It is like the last place that you want a dr (especially one you do not know) poking around at..so to speak. I told the surgeon that the only reason I was there was because I could not take the pain anymore. So I know where he is coming from. Tell him to just suck it up and go. Suffer pain or suffer a tad bit of humiliation? It goes away really quickly once you figure out the dr isnt going to start making beeping sounds like a truck backing up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alamom Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Sue, I just pray that this is the end of this situation. That was no excuse for his behavior. My Ex always came up with off-the-wall stories and such. I'm not saying that's what your husband is doing, I've just been in a similar position and your story is throwing red flags every which way. I don't care how mad he was, leaving you out in the cold at night was wrong and I don't think his excuse even begins to cover it! Good luck! You are in my prayers, take care of yourself! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justmesue Posted March 3, 2009 Author Share Posted March 3, 2009 Things are pretty much back to normal. We had a good weekend overal. Dh is getting a little releif from the meds, and I pulled out my old sitz bath,- Dr on Wednesday.We did make an appointment to take care of advance funeral arrangements. It makes sense to be prepared. They have a payment plan. Been through it with both my parents, and it's got to be so much easier if it's all done. No harm in checking into it. DH is 60, and I truly beleive when he says he thought he was dying)and the whole thing just came at a time that "caused him to burst a vessel." I got many apologies, and he took back the whole thief thing (that made me most angry-but I wasn't sure, why I came here) He actually signed his check and gave it to me yesterday, in an attempt to prove he didn't mean it. He also told the kids he's sorry, he acted like "a Bear with a burned butt" LOL As for leaving me out in cold, well I guess without realising it, part of that was my own fault. After, he called me a thief I said I didn't need him or, his money-so the plan was to show me I did. I, however, was expected to phone and give him hell about it, and I did not react the way I should.(Think I mentioned I could be as stubborn as a mule) He said he called the shop, but I had already left. (this is true, I asked the nightshift girl) So not much else to say. Going to put this all behind us. Thanks all again for listening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Intrinsicat Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 I'm glad it was resolved! I hope this means you get to claim the kids for the next 13 years! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nechee Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 I am glad that he apologized for his actions and that everything is back to normal. Hopefully everything stays normal. And being prepared for death is not a bad thing. I am only 29 (will be 30 in a month) and I have my will made out. And he signed over his check to you. Well, I think that calls for a celebration in dollhouse style. You need to buy yourself a new house. I believe you wrote in another thread that the Gloucester was calling to you, I think it needs to come into your home for all the suffering you have been put through in the last little while. :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chesterfieldzoo Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 I am so glad it has all worked out for you. Hopefully he will be more forthcoming with health issues in the future. I hope you learn to drive as well. At his age, how much longer will he be able to drive? (Women usually are able to drive longer than men) Do it for yourself, it's just not that hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justmesue Posted March 3, 2009 Author Share Posted March 3, 2009 That's still the plan! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doogster Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Good to hear Sue. This aint the end, call it a wake up call. I am sure not saying leave the guy, but once you can be independent then you can really understand why you don't. If that makes any sense at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
havanaholly Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Independence in a marriage is helpful for when the his concerns with his own mortality turn into the real thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starfire Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 It seems you have handled it well. I agree with everyone's comments about learning to drive. Independence will not mean he is shut out either. It simply makes for a stronger partnership. My mom was the independent type yet worked along side of dad in their business. She said her mother and grandmother were the same. She brought my sister and I up the same way and I did the same with my girls. It has allowed us all to be able to pick up the slack when disaster struck or our hubbys were in the danger zone. Great-grandmother's husband was killed by indians leaving her with 12 kids and a large farm to run. The older boys were in their mid teens but not yet old enough to head up the family. The family went on to build a large dairy business with several farms in Utah. Grandfather was gassed in WW1 and invalided most of his life Cancer in the later years. Grandmother was a professional tailor and ran a business during the depression and many of her customers were moviestars in LA. (The stories she could tell!) Father was burned in WW2 and had some physical limitations but managed to do well inspite of it. Hubby was in the military and was gone for long periods of time. He says he was able to handle it all because he knew I would be fine. By all means learn to drive. there may well come a time when you will be the only one to be able to in your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pixiedrea Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 What a saga! I'm glad things turned out well for you, honestly I am. My fiancee and I keep seperate finances, then the joint account from which all household expenses are paid, including rent, utilities, toiletries, food. We contribute to the account by percentage (I make more, I contribute more), and whatever is left from the respective checks is ours to spend as we see fit. If I really want something but don't have the money, I ask, he gives. Yes, learning to drive is a great idea. This will give your teenagers someone other than DH to learn from (especially the boy, dads are usually harder on their boys about this sort of thing). And bless you for being such a patient and kind person. I've got a lot to learn from you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avidcrazyquilter Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I'm glad to read that things worked themselves out. I had a friend that didn't get her driver's liscense until she was over 30. She was glad she did after that. You'll be surprised how empowered it makes you feel to be able to drive. Julie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherry Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Just a thought, for whatever little it is worth! You said he signed his check over to you and someone said to buy a dollhouse with it..... If you use the money to pay bills, take the whole family out, pay for a burial plot, you will be the bigger person and show him how a family handles money together. If you buy a dollhouse...isn't that what he's been doing with his money that hurt you-buying a toy for yourself instead of thinking of the family? Show him him how things ought to be done-that will give you a 'power' worth much more than a dollhouse! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justmesue Posted March 6, 2009 Author Share Posted March 6, 2009 Sorry haven't checked in for a bit, had a bout of the flu, and really have been feeling horrible. It truly is just a severe case of hemmies. Dr has second the diagnosis. They will strangulate them. Think that means they'll be tied off to fix them. Not sure of all those details, but it's supposed to bring long term releif in several days. With the check he signed over, I just paid what would ordinarily be paid. I wouldn't dream of buying a dollhouse with that. The guy from White Chapel, comes over on Saturday morning to explain all the details of pre-paid funeral arrangements. I've also got a list of driving schools phone numbers, and will be checking out prices this coming week. I'm still getting a ride home from my co-worker, even though DH would like to come get me. All is good. Thanks for your varied responses and advice. It was much appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katethesape Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Suzanne... *applauds* You are great! I am SO GLAD this situation worked itself out for you - Glad you found out how many wonderful friends/family members you have, and that you worked out stuff w/ your DH and that you are going to learn to drive! Blessing in disguise? ;) I'm so happy that this was resolved! Way to go. Good luck w/ driving! (I'm getting mine this summer and I'll be 22, LOL!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tcmorrison Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 I love happy endings... Terri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justmesue Posted March 12, 2009 Author Share Posted March 12, 2009 Me too! And except for being a tad cranky from pain and itch-Dh is on his way to a full recovery! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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