havanaholly Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I knew there was a reason I liked you so much, Deana! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heidiiiii Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Hehehehe I liked that. I am not a *hop to it* kind of girl either. If you ask nicely maybe but otherwise..nah! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
havanaholly Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 When I was training DH I used to tell him that it was practice for when he's on his own after I'm dead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justmesue Posted February 26, 2009 Author Share Posted February 26, 2009 The ride home issue has been solved. I told a friend at work what was happening. She said if I wait the xtra hour till she's done her shift, in a nice warm shop, have a coffee, share a few laughs, she will just drive me home afterwards, I got home in less time than the bus, and it was pleasant. She also has a hubby that has gone through what she calls "a change of life", so she understands the craziness of all this wierdness. As for DH, well, he's been pretending to be asleep when I get home, but last night, I spotted him peek out the blinds as I walked up the back yard. (does care?) Tonight, he heard a car and asked "Who drove you home? (jealousy?) I just said-"It wasn't you!" Took my jammies and left the room, without a further word. My Sister says if this is a ploy to get more attention,(he's had this issue before) then even negative attention and arguments will give it to him. She says not to indulge it, till he starts acting normal again. I don't intend too. He will not get the desired reaction. If he's feeling depressed or his self esteem is too low, then it's up to him to seek help. If this is in order to punish me, for what he sees as my "stealing"-well it's not an effective punishment if you're not phased, so it sorta back fired on him. Obviously, the man has developped issues, and now that he pulled his bullying, control tactic, for whatever reason he can't back down. He also hasn't had the courage to apologize, or explain his reasoning either. This however, is his problem to deal with, and I'm not gonna beg, whine or complain, or try to drag it out of him, or whatever to find a way to help him fix it. I also have no plans to ever let him pick me up again. I have no doubt at some point, when his snit is over he'll want to talk and do that again, and I have every intention of telling him he's unreliable and his services are not needed! If by chance he has become disastisfied with me and the marriage in general, he'll be informed to go file for a divorce, 'cause the one who files, pays for it. I'm pretty patient and not easy to anger, but, I'm not much of a game player, I'm afraid. Thanks to all who sent hugs and the offer of rides home, and for the advise. It means alot to me, to not feel alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Intrinsicat Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Well, your last email made me smile. He might be experiencing some mid-life meltdown... but it sounds like he's also experiencing his wife's mid-life awareness! And I'm guessing he no likey! On top of that, when the dust settled, he discovered that you have a huge support system and he's alone - that speaks volumes. Whatever happens I hope it works out in your best interest... you sound like a really cool person, I hope he realizes it before it's too late! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heidiiiii Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 I love it! Deep down inside dont you kind of love that you know it back fired and you may get to him a bit. I know it sounds childish but what he did was childish. He may be going thru some *midlife crisis* thing. After the dust has settled, you should sit down and find out what is really going on. Sometimes the truth is better then not knowing. I am glad you found your own way home and this may the kick in the back pockets to get you on your way to some independence when it comes to driving. Big Cheers to you my dear!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New Day Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Good for you for taking the high road! Hope he joins you there soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nechee Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 I am glad to hear that you have a ride home. Hopefully things will calm down and you will get the real reason he got so upset. As a lot of people have said money fights are rarely about money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjnick54 Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 I'm glad you're handling this so well. Are the kids aware of any of it? If so, how are they dealing with it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chesterfieldzoo Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 That is fabulous!! I think you are handling it spectacularly. Your sister is right, he can't win a one sided fight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doogster Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Still learn to drive and get a car, even a cheap one. Getting another ride is great for now, but it just shifts the reliance to someone else. Learn to be completely self sufficient. Seriously, you will feel so much better in the end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justmesue Posted February 27, 2009 Author Share Posted February 27, 2009 I agree Doogster! I'm a big girl, must take care of myself! Pam the children are fine. Daddy being a "screaming lunatic", as my girl put it, is not an ordinary event. When they asked why, I told them he was having issues, but that we should trust he is grown-up enough to fix them. It had nothing to do with them, or how much he loves us all. They are O.k. with that, and know if they have fears or questions they can come to me and get honest answers. This weekend they have plans to go spend the night with friends, so there will be private time to let the sparks fly if it comes to that. I'm hoping a week of quiet time, will be sufficient time for him to have mulled it over, and he'll be ready to discuss it all rationally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doogster Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Suzanne, you will not believe the difference it makes when you know you can make it. NO ONE will ever be able to tell you again you can't. When I moved to Texas 10 years ago I'd never been on my own. EVERYTHING went wrong. They screwed my social security application, my car insurance, you name it, it went wrong. But I got through it, and no one could help me, all a coupla thousand miles away. In the end I DID IT! Knowing that changed my life forever. Knowing you have what it takes to make it on your own puts the ball SQUARELY in your court ALL THE TIME. That's a great place to be. You have what it takes Suzanne. Time to make it happen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justmesue Posted February 27, 2009 Author Share Posted February 27, 2009 Thanks Andrew! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doogster Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Thanks Andrew! You're worth it, and you're welcome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tcmorrison Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Sue, you go girl! Three cheers for you for finding a way to handle this without causing a bigger problem. I'm impressed. We're here for you to rant, rave, complain, etc. And cheer the successes, good news and so on. Keep us updated! Terri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justmesue Posted February 28, 2009 Author Share Posted February 28, 2009 You are not going to beleive this stupidity! I don't! DH wanted the money to put on his funeral!? He was convinced he was dying-Also he beleived it would be easier on me if I was angry with him when he passed!? I could killl him right now!? LOL So, after much prodding/ screaming at him, thretening ...as to what? When? How? I pulled it out of him, and laughed so hard I freaking cried and nearly peed my pants! He's been in alot pain the last 2 weeks and of course too proud to admit it, and then last Sunday morning he seen blood when he went to the bathroom, and it still happening. This convinced him he was bleeding internally, and it was but a matter of time, and not much of it, before he left us for the great beyond. He had made an appointment to see his Dr, but they can't see him right away. I had a tough week, and didn't let up until I had all the gory details. Anyway, to make a long story short, being a woman who has had 5 children, and know first hand about this stuff, I diagnost him. "YOU HAVE HEMMEROIDS YOU ........... BEEEP IDIOT!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 OK, I am just trying to pick up my jaw here.... >while giggling a little I must admit< pooooor fella' huh?!? Good thing you were so firm in not going the angry, yelling route with him though! Lots of hugs coming your way! HUGS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chesterfieldzoo Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Nooooo! Are you kidding us?? I really want to say how dumb is this guy, but that would be rude, so I guess I will just join Anna with some giggles. He still owes you a huge apology for leaving you with out a ride at night. Did it occur to him you could get killed being out on the streets alone at night and then with him 'dying' your children would be orphans? And what man would worry more about paying for his funeral than having bills paid? Tsk. I hope this gives him a wake up call. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doogster Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 I still say get yourself independent, don't let that slide. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
havanaholly Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 I think we're all with Andrew on this. There is nothing wrong with being able to exist on your own and having "contingency" plans you hopefully will never have to use. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjnick54 Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 OMG -- MEN! :popcorn: (sorry Andrew) They think they can take on the world and do it all themselves - don't bother asking for help....Did it not occur to him to mention this situation to his WIFE of umpteen years? Turn the tables around - if you thought you were dying, he would SO want you to tell him so he could be there for you! I hope you can put all this behind you, learn from it and after you konk him on the head for what he put you through - you can go on from here with a renewed feeling and it will only get better. Good diagnosis Sue -- I collaborate (I had six kids). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Intrinsicat Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Well, at least this gives you a good opening to bring up driving... "Wow, hon, it never occurred to me before you mentioned it, but if you weren't here I'd need to know how to get around! I better remedy that! Good thinking!" *wink wink, nudge nudge* :popcorn: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nechee Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 I kind of sympathize with him. Having had hemmeroids before (3 kids) they are painful and do bleed. I didn't know what was happening to me either until my mother told me. Still though he should have told you what was going on. He probably could have gotten that diagnosis a lot earlier and they could have healed by now. And even if he did think he was dying, that is something that should definately be discussed, immediately. And not have to drag it out of him. Me and my DH have openly discussed what would happen in the event of one of us dying. I don't excuse him leaving you stranded though. That is inexcusable. Chesterfieldzoo said it best. If something happened to you and he was sying, what would happen then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wenlaine Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Sue, I'm so sorry to hear of all of this. You've certainly had a time of this. Please come over anytime if you'd like to talk. About the self diagnosis, I wouldn't do that. My son in law, who is 43, recently had a bout with bleeding and when he finally went to the doctor, he had bowel cancer. Please make sure your DH gets to a doctor. I'll bet he is worried and not getting the refund he was hoping for must have come as a disappointment. He will get over it, maybe time is all he needs to adjust to the new status in his income tax. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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