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really down in the dumps ...


Selkie
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Hey mini friends ...

I need a kick in the seat of the pants or the old-fashioned "2x4" up side the head treatment or something to get me out of this funk. :p Hoping you all have some words of wisdom or TLC for a tired old lady.

I'm not sure whether it's the let down effect of the all the holidays, the wedding, the end of the year business reporting, and the court related nightmares or just plain winter blues or what. I just can't seem to get myself "up". :teary:

Usually I'm REALLY good at talking myself out of the blues by looking at all I have to be thankful for but I just don't seem to be able to shake this "under the circumstances" feeling. I DO have bushels of things to be thankful for but with no time for any creative endeavors, it saps every ounce of energy and joy right out of me.

We are in the midst of getting our reports ready for yet another court date regarding the grandkids that I'm raising. It's SO stressful to have to go back and go back and go back. I wish it could be decided once and for all but the legal systems don't work that way. Once the abuse has been thoroughly documented as this has, it seems like it should just be over and done with but it just never ends ...

On top of everything I've had to switch to a different pain med b'cuz my regular one isn't being produced by the manufacturer right now and that sure isn't doing my pain management much good yet either.

I'm sorry to sound like such a whiner. :( I just can't get on top of things right now. :weep:

Sigh ...

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I know how you feel. :( Ain't it the pits? :angry: It'll end sooner or later. :huh: yes, it really will, it always does. Right now you want to go hide from it all, don't you? :sofa:

You expect another ton of bricks to fall on your head at any minute. :p

You feel like your swimming in the ole Sargasso Sea, with those nasty seaweeds grasping at your ankles. :weep:

Do not despair. You have the gang here. :teary:

:( HEY!!! How he'd get in here???????

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Me thinks you need a new haircut or a manicure. Something personal just for you. Also you might pick up a good book and a new mini even if it is a small one.

Now that you have indulged yourself you can go back to worrying but for every stressful thought you are required to think of something nice.

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Any chance its the pain meds? Do they have any psychological side effects, like depression? Or even something like drowsiness that might sap your energy?

Find a nice patch of sunlight and just sit with your eyes shut, taking some relaxing deep breaths.

And if that doesn't work, there's always chocolate!! :p

HUGS!!!!

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I don't have the words to make it better, I wish I did. My heart aches along with yours... I'd give you a hug but think you probably need a BIG SKWEEZEEEEE more. See a hug does help but a big skweeze kinda squishes the pain away for a while and you see some light through the clouds (or you are just oxygen deprived from the force of the skweeze and you are seeing things, either way it's ok!)

Sending much tenderness and smiles your way :p

Debra O

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Any chance its the pain meds? /quote]

I don't think it's the meds as this is only the second day of the new meds and this has been going on for a couple of weeks now.

Thanks SO much for all the kind words ... I know this too shall pass. Just need some of your help this time to refocus.

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Remember that we are here for you. As I found out over the past few weeks with the ordeals with my son, this communitiy is the electronic version of a shoulder to lean on, an ear that will listen, arms that send hugs, and voices that send words of help, comfort or prayers as the case may be.

I agree with the sunshine - a lot of people in Canada get the 'winter blues' because we just don't get enough hours of sunlight during the winter months, thus not enough vitamin D.

As for the chocolate, (please forgive me, I'm not anti-American) I find that swiss or belgian chocolate does wonders compared to north american chocolate. I have restless leg syndrom, among other things, and I mentioned this about the chocolate to him and he agreed that european chocolate has something (not sure what) in it that works on the brain better than stuff from here. Don't know why but, at least in my case, it seems to produce more calming endorphines.

And, yes, I do eat my share of north american chocolate, just not when my legs are really bothering me.

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Selkie--I totally understand! I haven't been on the forum since before Christmas when I found out through my own posting about Caylee Anthony that the remains that were found were indeed hers and that she was dead. { I had been getting the house ready all day for my step son Tyler (now 15) who was moving back home from Fla. that weekend bc HIS mom had landed herself in the slammer for selling drugs to undercover cops for the last time after receiving constant warnings! Tyler DID live with his dad until a year after we got married when he and his younger brother Aaron went to visit their mom and HE decided he wanted to live in Fla. and Aaron decided to come back. At the time their mom had gotten married and was really living a straight and narrow life--but Im certain, as YOU probably know as well, that THAT facade only lasts so long. We had heard enough of the stories@ "Mom" when I decided I wanted to bring him back home (WHAT a huge adjustment it is to bring a teenager into the house to live--He left when he was 12)!} I sat down to take a break and read the new postings on Greenleaf and saw through other members postings on the forum that the remains that were found were Caylee's. I guess it had been on the news all day but I had still been hoping that they weren't hers or ANY childs remains. It broke my heart to read what I saw and I cried myself to sleep that night. It may seem odd to be this upset over a child I never knew, but my BF and I recorded and watched every single news story there was about this case for 6 months and I still held on to the hope that they would find that baby. In our hearts we did feel like we knew her and her grandparents. HOW awful!

The next morning Tyler came home! Several days after THAT--Christmas. Then two days later, my mother in law dies! She had mysteriously gotten VERY ill back in November due to her DOCTORS prescribing the wrong medications. It caused her heart to arrest several times, she could no longer breathe on her own, and had to be intubated! She was just at the baby's 3rd birthday three weeks prior and she looked wonderful. How could this happen? I visited her only ONCE in November--not because I didn't love her, but bc I was so filled with venom and anger at the shock of seeing her like that while I was there and about what was done to her by her own physicians. I am not a quiet person in the least when I am upset about something that I see as an injustice (probably a result of being a grade school teacher)! My OWN mom had to come get me from the icu floor of the hospital bc I was so upset at seeing her that way. I never went back to visit after that. I wanted to take the children to see her, but my husbands sister SNAPPED that OUR kids shouldnt see her mom until all of HER kids have seen her, since THEY all live with her ( and yeah, I have an opinion @ that as well)!

A couple days before Christmas, we went to drop off the money thay my husband always gives to his mom each( for his sister and her husband that all live with grandma to buy Christmas gifts for their kids). Since his mom couldn't take the money for the kids this year and shop for gifts, he decided to give it directly to his sister instead. Do you know--she and her husband could not even come downstairs to greet us. We were greeted by my 5 year old nephew and my 11 year old neice! Their parents were upstairs in their bedroom getting HIGH!!!! (in my mother in law's house while she layed in the hospital) I was sickened at all of this! About 20 minutes later my VERY stoned sister in law stumbled down the steps, and incoherently mumbled to me that I may NOW take OUR kids to see Grandma in the hospital! I think I bit my tongue so hard that it bled!

I am certain the wisdom that Tyler had gained through his own mother in Fla. gave him correct insight when he said--"Aunt Patty and Uncle Rod aren't going to spend that money on my cousins--they're going to use it to buy MORE WEED!"

Several days passed as we got through the holidays with a 3 year old, a 10 year old, a 12 year old and a 15 year old. My husband DID visit his mom (thank God) and took Tyler to see her on Christmas day. He was convinced that she would be better soon and come home. HE did not want the little ones to see her intubated and told me that they can wait until she's off the vent to see her. I stayed behind on Christmas with the kids and my family at MY mom and dad's house. His mom died less than 48 hours later. I miss her so much! I wish I could have told her one last time that I love her and felt her warm hand on my hand. Instead I drove with my husband to the hospital after she had passed, to try to say things to her between sobs that I so longed to have said to her before--holding on to her cold, mottled hand--trying to make it warm again! Then going home only to try and explain to the little ones that Grandma is in a far better place but that they will never be able to see her again! My POOR husband. Losing a mother in law was painful enough for ME, but the pain of losing a MOTHER is so undescribable and horrible. I think he cried harder than anyone I have ever known--DAILY. I was fearing for his OWN heart, that he too would end up in icu--or worse. The pain has not gone and will not go for my husband for years to come--Im certain, but after the funeral and once he returned to his job (he is a web designer for a pharmaceutical company)--I felt that at least HE was out of danger.

It HAS been a very sad sad winter. We are not the only ones either. It has been very horrible for almost everyone that I know as well. MY mom has sunk into some kind of horrible suicidal depression and I worry about her EVERY day. She is losing all of the real estate that my grandfather left her--he was an architectural engineer and builder and created a small empire of rental properties which she has battled to keep since he left it to her when HE died in 2001. With the economy as bad as it's been and all the inheritance tax and property tax my mom has to pay, but can't bc she's had so many vacancies, she stands to lose everything my grandfather worked so hard for and built for his family since he came to this country.

I keep going for my children who I know in my heart need us! In the end, it can ONLY get better--because it can't get much worse! I am only 40, but my cynicism that I have acquired throughout my lifetime have completely kept me grounded to the reality of life and perhaps even saved me. I will be praying for you that things begin to get better for you and your family. Your grand kids so very desperately need you as my children need me. I have often said that if I could save every baby and child out there and bring them home with me to live and be safe from anything that would ever hurt them again--I WOULD! You are doing EXACTLY THAT with your grandkids. YOU ARE A HERO and the world needs more people like YOU. Unfortunately, Heros also encounter a lot of pain that they are shielding those that they are trying to protect others from. That is what makes you a HERO and in that knowledge, I hope that you will find a certain peace that will give you strength. God Bless You! God Bless Your Family!

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I like Spanish or Swiss chocolate - that helps my mood. :p

Do try getting out in the sun.

And when I'm stressed and anxious and blue like I've been for the past few weeks - spend some time crafting, even if it's 10 minutes while something is cooking on the stove. Your mind is tired and it needs time to relax.

A good book would help too.

sending hugs in hopes of a speedy recovery from the blues!!

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Sounds like you have a heavy load, and a case of winter blues. I sure sympathize with you as I am dealing with that myself. Talk to your doctor, and tell him what is going on. I'm not saying you're in a true depression, but sometimes a mild anti-depressant can make all the difference. I stayed on one for about 5 years trying to stop migraines. It did, and also did wonders for my periodic depression when things got to be too much. In fact, I think I'm going to ask my doctor for another Rx, just until things around here settle down!

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Thanks SO much for all your love and support. I wish I could see you all in person to thank you.

I know that this will pass and I just need to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. That's the key - no sitting down to wallow in it - just plod forwards.

Thank you for helping me to move forward. It's been nice to find this place that tends to it's wounded instead of shooting them :(

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Selkie and Robin. You both have been carring heavy loads. It is understandable that you are "down." Please check with your Dr about taking anti depressants. Several years ago at age 60, John had a episode where life's heavy burdens caused him tremendous anxiety. One day he just coudln't get out of bed to face the day! His understanding Dr listened to him and prescribed a low dose of anti depressant medication. It worked wonders, giving John the boost he needed to get thru that horrible period. He took it for about 6 months, then was able to deal with what life was throwing at us without that help. Remember we are here for you. Sure wished I could come have tea and listen and support you in person. You will make it thru this. Love and hugs. Rita

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I'm hoping that with all of the fine advice you are getting here, you will soon feel better. Hey, the winter always causes some severe cases of Cabin Fever - which is a very real illness in this part of the woods......but with sunshine and longer days, it begins to lift after a while and you're somewhat back to normal!

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Wallow in it for as long as you can stand it then get up and say enough is enough! This is from someone who knows. If you feel it is going on longer then you can deal, then talk to your Dr about some temporary prescription intervention.

If you wake up today and feel kind of sort of good..revel in it!

Something will snap you out of it. Maybe it will be the first signs of Spring. A bargain at the store. Some really good news.

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I'm hoping for Spring to come soon too. The ice is finally starting to melt off the back side of the house so I guess there is hope ... Daffodils and lilacs are my favorite flowers - can't wait til it's time for them to offer up their beauty.

Your prayers and encouragement have been such a great blessing. Please know that while I can't see you all, I feel like I know you better than my own neighbors. This place is the greatest - for mini advice as well as life advice.

Thank you !!

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