Jump to content

how do you tell your mom that she's making you crazy?


lili
 Share

Recommended Posts

Let me start by saying that I love my momma. Having said that the woman is driving me crazy. She acts like she was the one who had the baby, everything I say is wrong and since katherine is getting to the age where her personality is becoming more evident I'm pretty sure that dicipline will have to be enforced. Up to now its only little temper tantrums when we dont pick her up right away but my mom is disregarding everything I try to enforce. Can somebody tell me how to tell her without hurting her feelings? Oh and she's going through menopause so I need to be extra carful how I tell her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It sounds like you're living with your mother. My first advice would be to move out. It's hard to live with your parents, but when you have children of your own, it's nearly impossible.

Barring that, I think I'd say something like, "Mom, you did a great job of raising me, but I need to raise my own daughter. I will make some mistakes along the way, as I'm sure you did at first, but she will live through them just like I did...but I need to make those on my own."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're not living with your mother? Well, then, when you're in her home you just smile pleasantly and let her have her say -- and don't spend much time there. And if she comes to your home you just smile pleasantly, say "Mom, rules are different in my home..." and let it go.

And remember -- grandparent's job in life is to spoil their grandkids. And kids figure out pretty early on that things can be different in grandma's home than at home, and they'll behave very differently when in the presence of different people.

But I don't understand this part of what you said -- about your BABY having temper tantrums when you dont pick her up right away and you have to "enforce discipline"?? You don't "discipline" an infant. They don't understand "discipline". All they understand is they have needs -- they're wet, dirty, lonely, frightened, bored..whatever..and they want their momma (or daddy). So you drop what you're doing and pick her up. You make sure she's not wet/dirty/uncomfortable, you give her a hug, and put her back to bed. But you don't "discipline" her, not at that age! Kids don't understand "discipline" until they get to be 2 or more...and even then their understanding is spotty!

Anyway, until you feel more confident about your parenting skills, you need to just ignore your mother's good intentions to try to be helpful.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How old is your daughter?

I have to say I do not know what to do from personal experience. My Mom was a hands off type of Nana..Meaning she let me swim out there on my own and when it looked like I was about to sink she would give the advice I needed. I never felt like she was usurping on my duties as a Mother. If I was totally confused or needed help she was there when I asked.

(i hope I will be that kind of Nana)

Pick your battles...Good advice when it comes to kids..good advice in this situation. She is hormonal and she is in love with her grandchild. Try to ignore MOST of what is bugging you..for now. If she completely crosses the line on some things, then I would politely tell her how you feel. Mom is your anchor in a storm of flu season, diaper rashes, chicken pox, migraines headaches, and anything else that is going to overwhelm you in the future. You want her to be there to rescue you when you are about to sink.

If you say it the wrong way now (HORMONES!) she will take it the wrong way and may not help you when you will desperately need her.

*breathe* :blink:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Is this your first baby? Your mother's first grandbaby? How old is the baby? New grandma's are so full of love & excitment for their *baby's* baby that they sometimes can't contain themselves when it comes to being *helpful* They want everything to be perfect in their new grandchild's life & sometimes they go overboard with advice, etc. If you have a close, loving relationship with your mother then just know that she is behaving out of love.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

By Dicipline I mean just letting her yell a little bit when I check to make sure that there is nothing wrong. But my mom thinks that as soon as the tiniest little starts to appear I have to everything and pick her up even though her dad just put her down after being changed and fed. And yeah first granddaughter on both sides.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Babies have never been harmed from getting TOO much love and attention.

No but it can make life very difficult in the future if they learn they control you now.

The only thing I can say is try to ignor it and maybe make visits shorts on those days she is really getting to you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I love that everybody loooooves my baby, but I don't want her to grow up thinking the world revolves around her. That's what I want to avoid. There are more than enough Paris Hilton wannabes walking the planet.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My mom and I went through a lot of stuff with my first child. But, now she enjoys just being the grandma and giving them things they are not supposed to have when mommy is not home. If she gets over the line I'll say "Lupe..." that is what her friends call her "there is a reason they call you crazy Lupe...you're making me nuts" We both have a laugh but she knows that's when she needs to back up. It's sort of our code word for her to go back to granny mode and not try to force her opinions on me :blink:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She's obviously not worried about your feelings. don't worry about hers. it's not her child and it sounds like she's undermining you. put her in her place firmly but nicely. and if it takes more, do what you have to do. it will keep happening if you don't nip it now.

hope this helps! i'm showing you some support!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would have told my mother very carefully, and then ducked! She was THE authority on babies in our home......LOL She is now gone and my kids are grown, and I would give anything to hear her again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I haven't had that problem with my own mother. My mother lets me make my mistakes so I can learn from them. However my MIL is another story. She thinks that she owns the world and if we don't let her do what she wants then she pulls guilt trips on my DH, which he falls for. Then he gets mad at me when I tell him he is being manipulated. My only advice would be to tell her nicely but firmly, thanks but no thanks. Or else in a few years, you have an out of control toddler and a mother who helps the toddler be out of control.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

if we don't let her do what she wants then she pulls guilt trips on my DH, which he falls for.

My mom was the queen of Italian Catholic mother guilt trips. I used to say to her "Do I need to get my jacket?" Why? "Cause it seems we are going on a trip" huh? "A guilt trip!"

LOL

She hated that! LOL

I catch myself doing it to Nat and Chelsea sometimes.

I do not think you will have a problem with your daughter turning into Paris Hilton. You are already aware that is not what you want your child to turn into. If she is in bed and is screaming...give it five minutes and then check on her. We had that problem with Chelsea. Until we had Natalie, Chelsea did not like being alone in her room..ever! And she was not a baby that slept in our bed...so that was not the problem.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My mother let me sink or swim on my own, would give advice when asked, however my first MIL always had to say something and I had to learn to listen and take in what I needed and ignore the rest.

But that's how I chose to handle it...you have to do what is best for you.

Terri

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's a mother's job to drive their adult children crazy; it's payback! BTW, babies do NOT have temper tantrums. Unless a child has a serotonin uptake problem, they cry when they're wet, messy, hungry or lonely. Give her a cuddle and put her where she can watch you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

sit ur mum down with a cuppa and some cake or something then find a way to get the conversation softly to this...

let her know that u r now realising what a huge but fantastic job she did raising u. then try to explain that u want her to relax and have the experience of being the grandmother ur daughter will look upto and love for being the softy who dotes on her, and that u dont want her to go thru the raising of another child when she can enjoy spoiling and loving by being the fav gran.

i hope it helps

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...