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Venting


kellee
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YOu all can just ignore me but I just have to vent.! We have been having a very tough time this last year or so... and I am at my wits end with everything! Hubby was taken off work for 6 months by his Dr. and then he went back to work in June because we need the money.! and we are about to loose our home because workers comp is denying everything. I just want to scream... Anyway I am so upset with everything.

I asked my neighbor to help me build a shelf because Hubby is at work all day and I needed a big shelf, 7 foot long x 7 foot tall.... in the basement made of 2 X 4s, He helped me and I am so thankful that he did, although I did know what I wanted just needed the assistance of a taller person than my 11 year old son. Ok, The stand is great It could hold a thousand pounds.! BUT, he made the statement that I need to get rid of all the junk Ihave in the basement. No one person needs all this crap.! It really upset me that Crap is MY DOLLHOUSES !! and I love them .! Now everytime He sees me out he says well.... can you walk in the basement yet ? SO yesterday we had a little yard sale, it was actually big but it was only one day and his wife kept coming outside and chuckling.. Finally I had had enough and she came out started chuckling and made some sort of statement about me taking it all back in the house again... Well, I turned and said " We dont play Poker.... so this is OUR way of making a few extra Dollars.! and turned around and came in the house.! I have heard the story a thousand times when they were young they won a poker game and bought paint to paint thier living room!

Then my other neighbor comes in, I was in the basement rearranging a few things and she says OH WOW, you can walk thru here...you are finally making progress ! once you get rid of the rest of the junk you will have a nice basement.! You really need to finish those houses and get them out of here so your basement will be more usefull.!

OK, I have had it.... I dont care anymore I am no longer going to hold back.! I enjoy working on my houses and I dont care what they or anyone else thinks.! For one the basement is my workroomand my boys playroom so it is cluttered.! Have you seen a room that children play in that is NOT cluttered ? I am working hard on decluttering and I am doing great at it BUT I will not declutter my houses until I am ready to. Why do people have to but into others buisness.? This still bothers me today and this all happened yesterday... It usually dont bother me the next day but I guess I am tired of people putting thier noses where they dont belong.!

Ok, I am done ... I will go work on my dollhouse !!

Kellee

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Argh, that is frustrating... I'm a packrat AND a clutterbug, and I'm happy with it. Honestly, that's your best defense - expressing your happiness.

Usually people so willing to convey their dissatisfaction with the way others live are only really showing how miserable they are. I know that sounds weird, but it happens time and time again - if people focus themselves on the problems of others they don't have to deal with their own. I would bet quite a lot that these neighbors of yours for one reason or another are miserable and their biting comments, while seemingly congenial, are just a way of underhandedly spreading the misery. Your best defense? Any time they make a comment your reply should be something like: "Yeah, but my kids LOVE their playroom and dollhousing really makes me happy. Why would I change a thing so I'm uncomfortable and company feels like they're in Martha Stewart's cookie cutter home plan?"

They key to a good response in a situation like that is to use "I" statements. You express exactly how you feel and, just as important, you don't put them on the defensive. I mean, how can they argue? No one would dare say you'd be happier if you got rid of your dollhouses after that. If they did the next comment would be 'I'd just go nuts sitting it an empty room twiddling my thumbs until the next time I entertained company, how boring'. The point is... you're expressing how fulfilled you are while passive-aggressively pointing out just what might be lacking in their lives... it'll make them uncomfortable and I bet the comments with cease.

It reminds me of my all-time favorite quote: "Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy."

I live in a constant state of clutter, in fact - the only time I feel like cleaning is when some other part of my life is going wrong (so usually if I'm on a cleaning binge everyone starts asking what's up)

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I am so sorry you have to deal with that. I would check them off of my list. I have a few neighbors like that and they are checked off. They had better hope they never NEED me for anything because I will be conveniently busy. Before we had the roof done, one of these neighbors asked when I was going to get the roof fixed. I said "When can I expect YOUR check to pay for it?" Shut em up.

I didnt say it nasty though. Still wave hello when they pass by in the car but that is it. No over the fence chats, give short one worded answers to their questions, etc.

Be polite but curt at the same time. You do not want to build enemies in your neighborhood. That would be even worse. They will get the point and if they do not then you definitely know you want nothing to do with them. Just act like they do not exist in your life.

You know what I mean? You do not need that bull with all you are dealing with but you also do not want to start WW3 in your own backyard.

((((((BIG HUGS)))))

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Kelly,

I'm so sorry that you have neighbors like that! I would totally just ignore them, but then, I love my neighborhood because we just wave from the driveway, and move on. Our next move will be to enough acres that we don't have neighbors. For you, though, if you are happy with your house, who cares what the neighbors think? I know their comments are hurtful, but I agree with Jen. They are just trying to bring you down, so you'll be unhappy with them. Misery LOVES company!

Also Jen, your comment about cleaning when something else is wrong set off a lightbulb for me. I do that too! Whenever I feel like a part of my life is getting out of control, I end up scrubbing a bathroom or mopping the floors. It's weird! Luckily, or unfortunately :) , my life is pretty easy going.

I do keep the house mostly de-cluttered, though, because DH prefers simplicity. But, he also cleans without complaint, and never fusses about clutter - I just know it bothers him, so I'm happy to keep things from getting out of hand so he can be comfortable. Of course, my craft room is mine and I keep it how I like it - which is usually stuff everywhere!

Kelly, I hope you can forget about the hurtful comments and have a great day playing with all of your clutter, I mean favorite things!!!!

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My famous line after a yard sale to Fred.."They are not junk...They are treasures!" LOL

I am a clutter bug too but I keep it in check. Now that you have the shelf up you may get the urge to re-arrange the basement so you have more crafting room. More room=more houses..hehehehe

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Boy, how cheeky can you get? What business of mine is it if my neighbor's basement is cluttered and full of stuff?

I had a neighbor whose hobby was collecting old machines. He used to show them at fairs and farm shows, etc. He kept them in his basement. Now that was cluttered, especially since they had regular furniture in there too from when they originally used it as a family room. Eventually he built a two story 2 car garage in his back yard and moved them in there. I wish I had a two story two car garage for my interests, don't you?

Anyway, grit your teeth, wave when you see them, try to be nice when you have to see them, and try to stay out of their way whenever possible. I had a neighbor who flipped out because my sprinkler got her bushes wet. The irony is, I turned my space from a mess of weeds, stumps and rocks to a garden full of flowers and shrubs, so she planted a few more shrubs along her side after I put in mine. You'd think she'd have been happy the wind blew some of my water onto her little shrubs. She moved.... how I got onto this I don't know.

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That stinks. Neighbors can be a good thing or a bad thing. My in-laws derive unlimited amusement from their nosy neighbors. The neighbors are always looking out the window to see what's going on at my in-laws' house. We've gone over there before to drop something off, and the neighbor will come out and tell us, "they're not back from swimming yet". He's kinda like a watch dog....lets them know who's stopped by, etc.

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What can you say, huh...just "Some people!" Our next door neighbor was the second family in our subdivision, and kind of thinks he rules the place,lol. I don't pay too much attention to his comments...he has a field day with our garage, which is my husbands disaster...I should post pictures!! He has a '66 Mustang and a '34 Ford Truck he plans to rebuild(ie hunk of rust")--there is not a square inch of space anywhere because he has stuff stacked everywhere he can...there's barely a bath to get to the circuit breaker/box! lol I just try to keep the door shut and don't look!

The only great thing I can say about our neighbor is that he or his wife is usually home all the time and he really keeps an eye on the neighborhood. There was a rash of burglaries on the 2 roads around our subdivision, so I felt pretty reassured that he knows exactly what's going on,lol.

Maybe you'll get lucky and those neighbors will move away or something :)

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I am sorry you and your DH are having trouble. We are just trying to pick up the pieces from me being laid off for almost a year and he was working fulltime/school fulltime. I dont know how we were able to keep our home, but we managed somehow.

My father is a man of very little words, so when he would give me advice, I generaly listen. When I bought my first home, he told me not to make too nice with the neighbors. Very easy for things to heat up and then you are stuck. I have lived in my home for 7 years and never met the person across the street until she came to my yard sale. Polite conversation and that is it. I am too busy working on my house to make friends!! The only time they have any business of what is going on in your home is if you were running a drug lab out of your basement.

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The only time they have any business of what is going on in your home is if you were running a drug lab out of your basement.

:)

I had a neighbor like that- always some comment. Retired guy who just couldn't understand why I wasn't spending all my time desperately hunting down every last dandelion growing in my yard with weed killer. Puhleeeeze!

Wendy

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Thank You all so much.! I am very nice & Kind to the neighbors and usually it is just a wave but from now on it will ONLY be a wave and a polite Hello.! I dont need that in my life. We are having a hard enough time right now I dont need any more negativity. Thier Grandkids play with my kids because the babysit them and that is great but that is all that will be going on ... I am just tired of people always putting me down for things I LOVE! I knew you would understand... I enjoy working on my houses and I find it takes alot of the stress away. well, except when you slice a finger.! !

Hugs

kellee

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My neighbors don't even know about my dollhouses, except the one 3 houses down, who is wanting to get into minis herself. I don't think that any of my neighbors know that I've been working on the weekends for the last 2 1/2 months. Don't talk much to them, mostly it's a friendly wave or hello and only with a couple of them will I talk.

Go ahead and vent here all you want, we're all here for each other!

Terri

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My granny said Beauty is in the eye of the beholder....one man's treasure is another man's trash.......just shake your head, shrug your shoulders and move on......there are not very many men that truly appreciate collections of any type unless it is a really swell gun collection, car collection or stuffed animal heads hanging on the wall.....heheheeeee.....I was raised as a hunter and fisher (only child and unfortunately for my father a girl) but he didn't throw in the towel....I can hunt and fish with the best of them.....not that it's my fav thing to do.....BUT I DIGRESS.......find out what his interests are and make him a small display showing those items (in miniature of course) as a thanks for putting up the shelf......my granny always said, you can draw more flies with honey than vinegar....although for the life of me I never understood why you would want to draw flies to begin with.....

Elicia

a-sunning in sunny humid South Carolina

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Thank You all sooo much.! I knew you all would make me feel better. That is exactly why I constatnly come here and browse.! everyone here is so nice and you all understand things. I enjoy my dollhouses and I enjoy the family I have here. ! I am PROUD to say I am a member of this family and that I have ALOT of friends here.! Thank YOu.

Kellee

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Kelly, I'm afraid if someone had made a crack like that about my basement I'd have asked why, were they planning to move in & no one had told me? You have some nervy neighbors, alright. I am not a clutterbug, I am a hoarder, and married to a hoarder!

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I used to be friendly with the neighbors. I learned the hard way not to be. I also quit letting anyone in the house unless it was an emergency (like furnace repairs). I had a SIL say she would back up a dumpster to my house. She is not let in either.

Next time I suggest you use a ladder when you need someone taller to help with something. What dorks you have for neighbors.

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