badlilkit10 Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 i have a big old whine jug of change and dollar bills and i babysit from time to time that money goes right to the fund lol. he doesnt get mad just wonders were it comes from. i do the hiding thing too last night i want to the craft store the bag went right into the closet with the other stuff good thing he works the night shift well at least for now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elsbeth Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 Tell him how much cheaper miniatures (especially on sale) are compared to a few sessions of couples therapy. With miniatures scoring better end results. (unless you buy Bespaq) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalygirl Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 Cindy, you hang your head for no one! Got that? Good!!!!!! You are a worthwhile person and don't deserve to be treated like a child. Amen Sistah! Cindy, you are your own super person, and to heck with him trying to make you feel ashamed of your purchase. I hope that next time HE buys something you can turn around and give it right back to him.... *gets down off the soapbox* Soooooo, what'd ya get, huh huh? Where's the eye candy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntDee Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 I hope you do not feel ashamed of yourself for enjoying your hobby. We all need things in life that we enjoy doing and unless your children are going without food or the bills aren't being paid and you aren't over indulging in minis you haven't done anything wrong. A grown adult should not have to ask for money. Even if you don't work outside the home you still contribute to your families financial life. Your work is worth something. Can you and your husband it down and work out a plan where you get a"wage"for your part. I think we all feel better when we have our own spending money. My husband doesn't look at my craft room except to "laugh" at its cluttered style and I do the same with his workshop and his radio collection. Rita Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizard Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 Do you have a written down budget (not for the minis but for everday living). I use to do Budget Advise for women in Refuge here in NZ. It was suprising how much the day to day living costed, and how little things add up, the cups of coffee, the take away food, the exta mags etc......... And money was one of the main reasons that these women ended up in refuge.....Not that some of them even had enough to pay the bills in the first place. If you have agreeded not to buy anything to the end of may, start a list of all money coming in and going out, check the bank statements for fees that might be too high...See where you & DH are spending to see if there is excess some where. Does hubby buy lunch everyday, could he or you make it? What hobbies does he have? By the end of May, you and hubby should be able to see if there is anywhere you can "save money" to spend on something else or put on a bill... Hobbies are wonderful, just remember that real life needs pay for first! I also agree that it is cheaper than theorpy, buying diamonds or in my case full sized furniture or an over fill home! One thing I have found in the forum is that there are people who have scrape and save to purchase anything, and others who can buy what ever they like, just remember that your case is unquie to you, and we can only give you support, the steps you take to keep your hubby and yourself happy and safe are up to you. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
judithfa Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 Like Uppitycats (Ann), my husband and I haven't any problems with money allotment. I do not make more that he does, but our money is pooled. We pay our bills, do not go into debt, then if either one of us wants something, it's bought. After reading some of the problems others have, I feel very fortunate. Hobbies are such an important outlet that the whole family should be delighted for each member to have one and realize that it's money well spent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grazhina Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 Oh well, men love taking joy out to the woods and shooting it. ....yeah, what you said. I'm on my 10th month of HIS retirement. I often feel like I could just scream. My DH has never given me a hard time about what I spend on mini stuff, he has about books, though. He can't see why anyone would want to shell out $6-$7 for a paperback then save it to read again, yet. Mine wants accounting for what I spend. How much did I pay for the HBS half sale kit? How much did I spend on that fistful of basswood? that little living room set? the lamp? oh, I made the lamp....ok. I don't remember what I spent, I only know that I figured it was a reasonable amount at the time of purchase, and he KNOWS I'm not a big spender. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 Doing minis is much cheaper than therapy and far more fun! Send your guy to us on this list! We will "help" him relax his rules a little...ok guys, get out the hot glue guns and let's saddle up! Put those guns in your holsters! We don't need so stinkin badges to take care of this guy! I myself became quite the wonderful doormat for my first husband...so obliging! I took that kind of stuff every day of the 22 years I was involved with that man - including 17 years of marriage. He would give me X amount of money to do the grocery shopping for the week, and when I wanted clothing, he would go and buy it for me, I could not go into a store. No magazines, only books that he "approved" of. No hobby for me but sewing clothing for the two children. But he had RC airplanes, boats and trains. Nothing was ever said about HIS hobbies, but I was only allowed to work outside the home and give him every penny. It was not a pleasant life. It colored my relationships for many years. Being a doormat is awful! When we divorced, I vowed I would never be a doormat again. Doug and I have a 50/50 relationship....we too pool our money and the bills get paid, and we find nice little goodies we both enjoy. It's easy to fall into the role of doormat - beware! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 Doing minis is much cheaper than therapy and far more fun! Send your guy to us on this list! We will "help" him relax his rules a little...ok guys, get out the hot glue guns and let's saddle up! Put those guns in your holsters! We don't need so stinkin badges to take care of this guy! Yay!!! Wolfie is howlin' again, way to go girl I am with you!!!! Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anya Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 tell him it's cheaper than meds. OMG HAHA. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleFox Posted April 8, 2008 Author Share Posted April 8, 2008 Thank you everyone for supporting me! At least I know that I am not alone. I do work... and I do make more money than him but we put it in one pot and he pays the bills (it stresses me out too much). He does spend a lot of money on his hobby which happens to be computers! and any new techno gizmo that comes out. I don't think he will really ever understand the "dollhouse passion" though. We'll be fine... but I promised no more dollhouses until I finish the Pierce. But if a Willowcrest happens to fall into my lap.... I will accept the Wrath with a smile on my face!!! Thanks Everyone... you guys are the best! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anya Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 Thank you everyone for supporting me! At least I know that I am not alone. I do work... and I do make more money than him but we put it in one pot and he pays the bills (it stresses me out too much). He does spend a lot of money on his hobby which happens to be computers! and any new techno gizmo that comes out. I don't think he will really ever understand the "dollhouse passion" though. We'll be fine... but I promised no more dollhouses until I finish the Pierce. But if a Willowcrest happens to fall into my lap.... I will accept the Wrath with a smile on my face!!! Thanks Everyone... you guys are the best! The point is that you are entitled to buy dollhouses. If men can splash out on their toys why can't women? The Willowcrest is a Gem, even my husband loves that house. That house is worth all the divorce papers in the world! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badlilkit10 Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 Thank you everyone for supporting me! At least I know that I am not alone. I do work... and I do make more money than him but we put it in one pot and he pays the bills (it stresses me out too much). He does spend a lot of money on his hobby which happens to be computers! and any new techno gizmo that comes out. I don't think he will really ever understand the "dollhouse passion" though. We'll be fine... but I promised no more dollhouses until I finish the Pierce. But if a Willowcrest happens to fall into my lap.... I will accept the Wrath with a smile on my face!!! Thanks Everyone... you guys are the best! wow computers is way more pricey just keep ur head up and things will work out sit down and talk to him about say if the bills are paid than we should both treat yourselves to something for our hobbies of equal price that way no one gets the short end of the stick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 Nowadays, we discuss things and if it is something I really want and feel I can't splurge on he asks "Will it make you happy?" And if I say yes he most often is the one who encourages me to go for getting it. And that is from us discussing wayyyyy back on what makes us tick, what gives us happiness in our interests, and as for us miniaturists it is most often more than one hobby involved as we are Jack's of all trades when it comes to create the mansions of our imaginations so we do need " a lot of different items" to get the job done, but in the end it is soooo worth it.... Hugs and hope that your hubby will start seeing your perspective of things, but then again he will need help in getting the point so do speak to him telling him about the facts that make you happy with the hobby so that he might be able to grasp it if not the whole atleast little bits and will be happy when you are happy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bookmarm Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 Jim is too indulgent with me. He doesn't complain and is often the 'enabler'. I he's proud of my knitting/drawing/minis and is almost always the one to say yes to a purchase...HOWEVER, he is WAY too indulgent and we both need to reign it in during the next few years when we try to push the new/old business we're taking on in to a profit. Still, as Corwin mentioned, these hobbies are probably cheaper than pills and therapy. I love to buy clothes at Goodwill and consignment stores. My makeup budget for the year is way under $40. I'm not a shoe addict. We don't have or want cable or a cell phone. I could be much more high maintenance .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitten Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 Cindy... Far be it for me to tell you and your husband how to handle your finances, so this is only a suggestion and how hubby and I handled ours so as to avoid money arguements. When I was working, we had 3 accounts...our joint account (for all things household), his personal account (for whatever he wanted to buy), and my personal account (for whatever I wanted to buy). When we got paid, each of us would put 65% of what we made into the joint account. Even though he makes far more money than I do, the percentage was the same, so it was still "fair". The other 35% was ours to do whatever we wanted with. And we agreed that neither of us had to account to the other what we did with our "play" money. As I said, if what you guys are doing works for you, then good....this is just a possible alternative so that you can still have your own money to spend on your hobby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chesterfieldzoo Posted April 9, 2008 Share Posted April 9, 2008 I am glad to have a hubby who doesn't care what I buy as long as he can have his toys. I still sneak everything in. I think it is more the challenge of getting it past him than the actual hiding something from him. He still hasn't noticed the guinea pigs... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smallhouset Posted April 9, 2008 Share Posted April 9, 2008 We had almost the same conversation at my house this week-end. Not over how much I've spent but on how much time I've been spending on mini's. He tired of spending so much time alone while I'm in my work shop. He also had the the unbeilevable idea that maybe I should quit doing minis all together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I'm trying to build my own mini business and he thinks I should quit!!!!!. Well after a few choice words things were very quiet around here. And I thought about how much time I have been spending locked in my shop, and I have been putting in some pretty long days for the last few months. So I decided to make nice and went out to the garage (he goes there to sulk). I told him after the show next week I'll spend more time with him BUT under no conditions will I EVER give up my minis. The whole time I'm explaining to him how much I enjoyed my minis and how important they are to me, I was helping him polish two of his antique cars! Antique cars take up alot of time and money so I think he got the point! I cleaned the house,cooked a good dinner and spent some "Quality Time" with him. He's happy, and even helped me with ideas for some new things I want to make to sell. Bruised male egos can be very difficult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redneck princess Posted April 9, 2008 Share Posted April 9, 2008 We had almost the same conversation at my house this week-end. Not over how much I've spent but on how much time I've been spending on mini's. He tired of spending so much time alone while I'm in my work shop. He also had the the unbeilevable idea that maybe I should quit doing minis all together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I'm trying to build my own mini business and he thinks I should quit!!!!!. Well after a few choice words things were very quiet around here. And I thought about how much time I have been spending locked in my shop, and I have been putting in some pretty long days for the last few months. So I decided to make nice and went out to the garage (he goes there to sulk). I told him after the show next week I'll spend more time with him BUT under no conditions will I EVER give up my minis. The whole time I'm explaining to him how much I enjoyed my minis and how important they are to me, I was helping him polish two of his antique cars! Antique cars take up alot of time and money so I think he got the point! I cleaned the house,cooked a good dinner and spent some "Quality Time" with him. He's happy, and even helped me with ideas for some new things I want to make to sell. Bruised male egos can be very difficult. I think my husband feels the same way. He's the king of sulking . Unfortunately, I spend more time staring at my minis and trying to think of ways to make things work, than actually doing the work. I need to get over that, or else my "secret" stash will never get done! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mar Posted April 9, 2008 Share Posted April 9, 2008 I'm also a lucky girl, my husband supports me. Even when I got seconds thoughts about the Garfield he said 'Do it you always will regret when you don't'. He is happy that I'm finally have a hobby which is for myself and also spending money for myself. The only thing he said was 'Do you realise that you running out of space in our house with the Garfield'. And he is right, the houses in the Netherlands are not as large as in the States. Often we have no basement or garage, rooms are small and definitly no porge and most of the time it's raining so you had to have room enough in your house to work and to show your dollhouses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotKateHepburn Posted April 9, 2008 Share Posted April 9, 2008 I'd def sit down and talk. Hobbies need to be in the budget period. I may be a sahm but my job is just as important as his. Like Gayle, I live with an enabler lol. He doesn't care what I spend my monthly fun money on. He's never said a word. I have to be real careful about what I mention I like because sooner or later I'll own it if he hears me. Same goes for me. My dh is a huge movie fan and buys whatever he likes. But it makes him happy so I'd never complain that I hate movies or that it's a waste of time and money in my book. And if you are paying for it and your bills are paid, I'd tell him to stuff it if he said anything to me. Or as I like to tell my family, it keeps me from going insane, I thought you'd be happy of that. Besides, if my attention isn't on a hobby, it's on YOU, won't that be fun? Mama's total attention, 24/7! Shuts em up quick lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justmesue Posted April 9, 2008 Share Posted April 9, 2008 Been there too!! I have 12 dollhouses. When DH gets cranky about it, I smother him with so much attention, and bother him so much hanging on his every word, and taking him away from his leisure time, he actually suggests a trip to the mini shop, or insists, I go do something mini! LOL He has even gone so far as to say SHHH, LISTEN, THE (insert whatever house name I'm working on) is CALLING YOU!! The lack of understanding is usually a cry for attention. Once that need is met, it's smooth mini sailing, lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prariegurl Posted April 9, 2008 Share Posted April 9, 2008 I think thzt instead of hanging your head in shame, that you should hang your head to hide the smile on your face. Let hubby stew a bit--his anger will pass--and you'll still have the dollhouse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna Posted April 9, 2008 Share Posted April 9, 2008 I think thzt instead of hanging your head in shame, that you should hang your head to hide the smile on your face. Let hubby stew a bit--his anger will pass--and you'll still have the dollhouse. Ahhh, yes that works as well LOL! And then stop up for a while and ponder who is it that really "owns" the problem, you or him? Is it you who is angry/upset or is it he who has the stirred up emotions, and then perhaps ask him what he really is upset about, should it be the lack of attention/quality time spent together/.... then yolu could always solve that, right and not blame the poor kit/house that is on its way allready ;) Hugs and I do hope that he has had his sulk and getting over it!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smallhouset Posted April 9, 2008 Share Posted April 9, 2008 He's getting over it. I must admit that alot of the things he was complaing about were true. I have been negelicting ALOT of stuff around here. Cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry. I just literally blew them off. The house was a mess, and the cupboards were bare. He does alot around the house but he's disabled and can't do everything, and can't drive so if I don't go to the store we don't eat. And its not fair to put all of the house stuff on him.Normally we work things 50/50. I have to take my share of the blame for this. We work at home so its real easy to get distracted from the business and into the minis. I just wait for him to go to bed and then I mini. He's a morning person and I'm a night person so it works out pretty good that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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