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Worst father in the world …


jrs
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Worst father in the world …

I am going to confess I feel a bit weird posting this here ….really this is the only forum I am on …however I could use some experienced input. Last night my one year old got up around midnight crying … although she sometimes gets up and makes some noise or cry it is usually for a few minutes and puts herself back to sleep.

She seemed to go on for a bit longer then usual last night so my wife went to check on her. She picked her up but all she wanted to do was go back in the crib.

Around 2:30 she woke again crying and we decided to see how long she will go for … we suspected she was teething and we were going to give her a few minutes before rushing in. 5-10 minutes later she fell back asleep. This morning we found that she had vomited.

Looking back I wish I had gone to check the second time. I feel terrible knowing that she was obviously ill.

I feel like the worst parent in the world.

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Oh, dear, already we have the guilt buttons pushed? Don't beat yourself up cause it just sounds like a couple of sleep-interrupted parents tending faithfully to their child. I remember many, many times picking up one of my children in the middle of the night in total darkness, comforting them and putting them back down in the crib -- would never have noticed a bit of spit up (and both of the kids managed to grow into tall, strong, absolutely normal men in spite of me).

Hope she's feeling better this morning (and you're not the world's worst dad -- my husband earned that title when our first son hit 15 :yikes: )

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Oh No! Do not beat yourself up about that. It happens. You are showing you are one of the best fathers in the world because it is bothering you that much that you had to voice it.

Puke and pooped filled cribs come with the territory.

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Try not to feel too guilty Jeff. She is only one and you will feel a lot more guilt in her next 17 years. So, don't use it all up at one time. Seriously though, you should not feel bad. It happens to all parents. The fact that you feel bad shows how much you love her. And next time, you will go and check her and she will be fine. It's called on-the-job training. I don't know about anyone else, but when my first child was born, no one gave me the manual on raising kids. It is a life learning process.

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Ah Jeff, don't beat yourself up too badly...how could you have known? Believe me, parenting doesn't come with a handbook for all situations, and the amount of "guilts" you will experience over the years is phenomenal. Just love them and do the best you can for them. They are a lot more resilient than you think.

Hope your little one isn't coming down with a "bug"..there is so much going around right now.

Take care and hang in there!

Chris

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Thank you so much for your input … you know you would think after thousands of years someone would have developed this handbook … I would even settle for those laminated cheat sheets I used to get for physics & chemistry LOL

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Wow! That post brought back memories. When my oldest son was about 3 weeks old, I had put him down to nap in a yellow nightgown, undershirt, and diaper..into his bassinette which had a frilly white bassinette skirt trimmed with blue ribbons.

A bit later I heard him stirring and whimpering...but hoped he'd settle back to sleep. I was a young mother with my first baby and trying desperately to get some much needed rest. A little while later, I tiptoed into the dining room where the bassinette was to check on him. The scene that greeted me was unbelieveable!!

Apparently he'd had some explosive diarrhea...which had traveled up the diaper, up the back of his undershirt and nightgown, out the neck openings and across his head, and onto the bassinette skirt/lining. And we are not talking just a little bit...it was a lot..in fact, more than a lot. It was an absolute MESS!

Being a young mother, I'd been carefully changing him and pretty much avoiding getting anything on my hands. (at 21 yrs old...yuck!!) Needless to say, I discovered that day that baby poo and throw up will not kill you if you get it on your hands!!

Oh, geez....what a mess that was. And I felt like the worst mother in the world because I didn't get up when he whimpered to see what was wrong with him...instead, I'd tried to catch a few more winks of sleep and left the poor little guy lying in such a mess.

Don't worry about it...she's safe and no harm was done. It's all part of being a parent. With the addition of 3 more boys, such instances became routine and I realized you just do the best you can...

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So just when I was feeling better I get a call from my wife that she is not eating ... I am waiting to find out what time the doctors apt is ... guilt ... the gift that keeps on giving!

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Jeff, you didn't do anything wrong. Your child probably felt so much better afterwards. I hope she's feeling alright today.

Thanks ... I know I am maiking more of this then I need to ... having one of those days! Tomorrow she & I will be back to normal ... well she will at least ;-)

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i dont have any kids yet working on that one :p but dont beat yourself up it happens to everyone at one point in time. you feel better once you know she is ok im sure its just the bug maybe even allergies. But cheer up ae are all here to support you :p

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baby poo and throw up will not kill you if you get it on your hands!!

I don't buy it at all, I just don't! LOL

And Jeff, you are not a bad daddy! Someone else here mentioned that she probably felt a lot better after she puked ( I know I do, when I feel nauseous!), and I'm sure you cleaned her all up and comforted her afterwards, right? Parents aren't mind readers (regardless of what my mom used to tell me) and babies are not able to communicate things such as "I have to puke!!!" Even if she had been able to say that, what could you have done? She appears a bit small to reach the toilet, so no holding back of hair, plus, if you had been holding her and she puked on you, then the time needed to get yourself cleaned up would have been time away from comforting her. This way, you could be there making her comfy again after she got sick!

(crazy Jen logic!)

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Ah the life of being a parent......never would I want to go back to those days. Kid's can give you the worst guilt trips in the world....with a look, a sigh, throwing up, going potty when they can't control it, etc., etc. You will now enter the child-guilt zone and it will be with you for the rest of your life. I know for me everything my child (small, medium or large) did something I always felt guilty and would and will bear those crosses the rest of my days probably. First things come to mind, "oh my God, did I cause that? Was it something I did/said? Was it because of? " You will rack your brain. But you know now looking back, it's all part of becoming a parent. Good luck! You're now a grown-up! LOL

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The end of my day …

Let me preface this by saying that my company is in the process of being purchased and we will all be out of work this summer. So needless to say everyone at work is stressed including me.

My day was filled with people with short tempers, people who no longer care about the quality of work and everything in between.

OK this is not the end of the world and yes there are people far worse off then we are. I try to remember that when things get depressing because there are few jobs out there.

OK fast forward to later this afternoon …. I picked up my little one from Daycare and took her to the doctor. My wife had a meeting she could not miss. (We alternate sick visits).

So I pick her up from day care and as I am checking in at the doctor’s office I realize I did not grab diapers & wipes (will this day never end!!!)

We see the doctor …… diagnoses … double ear infection…… we go to the pharmacy and I pick up her script & some infant Motrin for her fever. I give her the mortin for the drive home to give her some relief. 5 minutes later … MAJOR VOMIT… I am now driving on a main road with no where to pull over. WILL THIS DAY NEVER END???

BTW I am a sympathetic vomiter …. I am what should be 5 minutes from home but in bumper to bumper traffic GAGGING ALL THE WAY HOME….

Make it home get her up to the apartment strip her to her diaper …. Clean her up a bit … give her the antibiotic and some more Motrin.

Vomit, shnugies, sweat all over me… she falls asleep on me for over two hours. I could not ask for a better end to my day.

Thank you all for everything.

J

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she falls asleep on me for over two hours. I could not ask for a better end to my day.

Thank you all for everything.

J

Awwwwwwww, what a sweet ending to the day, for sure. See? You ARE a great dad!

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Jeff,

I'll bet any of us seasoned parents have an exact picture of our own 'worst day ever'. You have joined the ranks! Congrats! I remember thinking that it was absolutely amazing that our first born could projectile vomit from the back seat of the car to the front windshield. I also (pardon me for this graphic family memory) remember thinking that same child had been so SO talented in his finger painting abilities when he woke up from a nap, found inspiration, removed his diaper, and recycled in to art materials THAT which he could find handy to decorate the bedroom walls. Love that now 25 year old Art student graduating from USC in a few weeks. He draws better than he paints, nowadays. I think I really felt seasoned after living through (that same first child's) stitches to reattach parts.

You will be fine! She will be fine! Love is scary and sad and wonderful. You are a terrific father...don't worry. My second worst day was when I counterattacked THE CHILD and dumped a bowl of creamed spinach (delicately blended with applesauce to give it a nice flavor) over the head of First born! Then we both cried and cried.

25 years later we are sitting next to each other watching old Rumpole of the Bailey dvds and laughing.

It'll be okay! It'll be fine. It was hard when our son#2 encountered true health issues as a 8 year old. THAT was sadly different, even with an okay outcome. Parenthood is lumpy, but you know it's overcome with the amazing miracle of watching your daughter through each stage of change. Courage and strength!

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Oh the trials of parenthood, they are just beginning.

Signs of a very good father are showing thru--worry, guilt and wearing the badge of a new father-vomit on the clothes and the love of just holding your child. You will do fine all the makings are there.

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Ah yes, I too had an 'artistic' child who painted her crib with the materials at hand. Boy did the room stink. I knew she was awake, but was being quiet and making little coo noises, so I didn't go check.

As far as not checking on baby, all the books say to not rush to them at every noise or they will learn to wake up and make noises all the time for your attention. I don't think you are a bad parent - just a regular one.

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Ah, the Guilt. It never diminishes..no matter how old they get. Even now, I find myself thinking of my oldest, who is going through the engagement breakup with a girl who seems to get more crazy by the day, and wondering "was there something I did when he was young to make him gravitate towards women who turn out to be very unstable?...is this MY fault?"

More than likely..NO....but as I said, it never stops...and you NEVER stop worrying.

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Don't beat yourself up. it has happened to all of us. I have three kids and the (bad parent syndrome )is a good sign. You know you are a good parent if you think you need to try harder. Those who think they can't do it wrong are the ones that need to try harder.There is always room for improvement.I don't know exactly how many times things like this has happened. I have several times I wish I would have checked on them or seen the signs of earaches before hand. It is part of the parenting thing.Trial and error. You could have checked in, but how could you have known that it wasn't just a fit. I had the exact same thing happen with me and my first child .And we both survived.After three kids I can honestly say, this will not be the last time you make a bad judgment call. But on the bright side you will be at the bedside before it happens the next time they are ill. Or like me I have a survival kit in their closet, with a

Hang in there you are a good parent,and remember if you had not cared, that would make you a bad parent

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This situation always used to give me a double helping of Guilt....taking one of the kids to the doctor for a "well baby/child check" and finding out they have an ear infection!! That diagnosis always came after I told the doctor how wonderfully well the child had been lately!

;)

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Don't feel bad and beat up on yourself! If you were a bad father, you would not be here confessing it and you certainly would not be feeling guilty! The guilty feeling just shows how dedicated you and your wife really are. Hope baby feels better soon! Give her extra cyber hugs from me ;)

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